Pedestrian Safety (Part II)

(Continued from Oct 16)

There is something funny about standing in front of a room full of Division I college athletes to teach a subject that we knew absolutely nothing about. And it’s more than funny to realize that they are about to take notes on your lecture.

For some reason I went first.

There was a lot of stuff written on the board so I took my time erasing it. I was erasing and thinking about what in the heck I was going to talk about.

The professor finally told me I had the chalkboard erased very well and to go ahead with my lecture.

As I turned to face the audience I noticed my friend Tim. He was frantically looking through a pile of magazines he picked up when he walked in the door. I suppose he was looking for an article about pedestrians. Then I looked over at my other friend. Bennett was just as relaxed as one could be. His arms were folded looking like he was looking forward to what I had to say.

The sight of the two of them made me smile. I could only imagine what was going on in their heads.

I begin to speak right off the top of my head: “There are three basic types of pedestrians.”

I was watching with amazement as the football players/students wrote down what I said. I decided to help them and wrote the same on the blackboard.

“First you’ve got your old people.” I talked a minute or so about old people who can’t hear or see and how they may walk in front of you as you are driving down the road.

“Secondly, you’ve got your young people.” Everybody wrote that down as well so I helped them again and wrote that on the board and talked about young people who may chase a ball and run in front of a car.

I couldn’t help but notice Bennett still relaxed, arms folded, seemingly totally enjoying my ridiculous presentation. I was trying not to laugh thinking about what he was going to talk about when I was finished. Tim was continuing to frantically look through those magazines.

“Thirdly,” I said, “You’ve got your drunks.” I made a few comments about drunks not knowing what they are doing and how they could stagger out in front of a car.

I finished and sat down at my desk. I had spoken for four minutes. We still had 46 minutes to go. And now I was about to have a stroke to keep from laughing. Especially when Bennett told me how much he enjoyed my lecture.

But so far we were still in the game or should I say the class.

Tim came up next and instead of standing to address the class, he sat at the teacher’s desk at the front of the room.

He proceeded to read an article he had found. I have no idea what the article was about but I never heard the word pedestrian.

By this time I could hardly control myself in my attempt to keep from laughing.

Tim’s reading lasted about three minutes. Bennett was still relaxed in his chair seemingly enjoying taking it all in.

When Tim returned to his seat, Bennett calmly stood up and walked to the front of the board. He took his time to erase what I had written on the board. He had 43 minutes of time to take up. The teacher finally told him (as he told me) that the board was erased enough and to please continue with the lecture.

Bennett finally wrote the word Pedestrian on the board. He misspelled it.

He wasn’t even close.

I was about to lose it by now. And so was Tim.

I had my head in my arms on my desk. I couldn’t look up.

Bennett then began to attempt to break the misspelled word Pedestrian down in syllables. PID/ES/TR/AN. The football players had now put their pens down and were wondering what was going on.

All of a sudden Bennett turned around and faced the class. He held both hands out from his sides and very calmly with much thought asked, “What can you say about Pedestrian Safety that hasn’t already been said?”

I fell out of the desk. Literally. Never laughed so much in my life. I was howling and the honest truth is I am laughing as I type this. Tim was doing the same.

We had a friend that knew of our predicament that was standing in the hall watching the whole thing. I looked at her and she was bent over laughing.

By then everybody was laughing.

The teacher called the class off and sent everybody out but he asked us to stay around. Somehow, someway, we were able to talk him to letting us write the paper that weekend and present it to the class on Monday.

The three of us made a C in Traffic Safety. I can promise you everybody else in that class made an A.

Tim, Bennett and I are probably the only people in the history of UGA that made a C in Traffic Safety.

I’m sure the UGA powers-to-be took that class off the curriculum pretty quickly after Jane Kemp brought such classes to light.

But I still laugh every time I think of it.