Let the Record Show

My lifelong friend and across the street neighbor responded on my blog yesterday from London. She and her hubby are living there for at least a few years. Her comments about our trip home after a not so good quarter for me at UGA triggered memories of one of the most nervous times of my life. When I look back on it now, it is one of the funniest times.

In my defense, I moved in the Lambda Chi fraternity house in the fall of 1973. My roommate was a couple of years older and obviously not a very good influence on this college sophomore. Or maybe I was not a good influence on him. For either or both reasons, my grades suffered. I made a C, D and F that quarter. I later told my dad I spent all my time on one subject.

Yeah right.

My buddy Tim and I had a math class together that quarter. Since we didn’t keep up during the year, when it came time for the final we were in serious need of some help. A deranged individual at the fraternity house who also had this class had this great idea. He said he could get a master key from the janitor and we could use the key to go in our professor’s office to get a copy of the test.

We entered the building that night and I was elected to be the idiot who would actually enter the office and look for the test. My accomplices would knock on the wall two times if someone started coming. Within seconds after I entered the office, I heard the two knocks on the wall. I heard the footsteps coming down the hall and I knew I did not have time to leave the office. I grabbed a statue that was on his desk and stood behind the door. I guess if the teacher had entered the room I would have hit him over the head. I would probably have been arrested for murder or at least battery with the intent to murder. Thank God the person who was coming down the hall entered the office next to the office I was in. I fled that building that night and never had the urge to break into another office again. I made a D in that class.

I also had a Literature class that quarter. Since roommate Benjy kept me busy with other extracurricular activities, I didn’t keep up with what I was supposed to be reading in that class either. On one pop test, I looked at my neighbor’s paper to see what she had written down for Number 1. After I turned the test in, I realized I had written her name down for Number 1. I knew after that it would be a difficult class. In that class was another fraternity brother by the name of Pete and he introduced me to Speed. We were studying for our final and I knew it would be an all-nighter. He told me he had a pill that would help me stay up. He also told me if I broke the capsule and snorted it up my nose, it would work better. That didn’t sound too good to me but I watched him sniff his pill up his nose so I did the same. I’ve never been so wide awake in my life. The next day I sat for the test and was going straight through the test with ease. I was thinking that pill was the best thing ever. About halfway through the test, I started shaking. I thought I was having a seizure. I looked at Pete who was sitting behind me and he saw my predicament. I’ll never forget his words. “You are crashing man.” I didn’t know what crashing was but I knew I never wanted to take another “speed” pill again. And never did. When I saw my grade posted a few days later, I did visit the teacher as Debbie mentioned to see if she would change my grade. When she showed me my test, my answers made absolutely no sense at all. My mind was about 3 sentences faster than my pencil. I made F in that class. And F definitely did not stand for Fantastic.

I’m not sure what the other class was I took that quarter but it was apparently not very difficult because I made a C in that one.

Debbie was definitely correct when she said I didn’t want to go home for Christmas with a C, D and F. And she did tell me several times that my dad was going to kill me. I think Debbie and I were the last students to leave Athens that quarter. Since Debbie was riding with me, she finally called me and asked if I was going home after Christmas or before Christmas.

Debbie and I made it home for Christmas, my dad did not kill me (although he made me feel very sorry) and I never made another D or another F in my college career. My roommate Benjy graduated, got married and raised a family in Nashville.

And let the record show I never tried to steal another test and never ever took another performance enhancing pill.

I did graduate a few years later, got married, raised a family and eventually became a blogger.