View from a Hearse
I am a humorist, motivational speaker, undertaker and now... author. I've had over 1400 speaking engagements throughout the United States. I look at the lighter side of a subject most don't like to think about. I also believe I cause my audiences to think a little about life. I released my book, "View From a Hearse - Lighten Up!" in April 2005. My second book, "The Legacy of Eulan Brown" was released in December of 2009. Both books are available at www.brucegoddard.com.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Dog Poo of Life
Bubbles Mountain, located in Acadia National Forest in Maine, is 872 feet tall and is for most folks an easy hike to get to the top. But for me at least - it did take some effort.
I was told it would take 20 minutes to get to the top. That was probably close to being accurate. The goal was to hike to the top and enjoy the spectacular view and to discover the mountain top experience.
There were six of us that climbed the mountain. The trail was rocky and a little treacherous and for much of the way we had to go in single file. Treacherous in that some of the path was straight up and a fellow my age could easily sprain an ankle or break a leg or even a neck. The people with me were in the same boat.
But we reached our goal, the top of the mountain. It was definitely a gorgeous sight and there was at bit of accomplishment that we all made it up in spite of the obstacles. The mountain top experience was real but it was temporary. We spent a few minutes looking around and taking pictures and then it was time to head back down the mountain which was someone easier than the trip up.
Just as the end was in sight and our little excursion was almost done and we were walking out of woods - a not so funny thing happened.
I stepped in a big pile of dog poo. That could only happen to me.
I made an attempt to scrape it off my shoes before I joined my five companions in our vehicle but the shoes were not dog poo friendly. The treads were new and deep and dog poo was in every tread. And the odor I brought with me was not appreciated by the other folks in the car.
I finally got back to the hotel and tried to clean the shoes. I got most of it out of the not so dog poo friendly shoes but not all of it. A little bit of dog poo goes a long way - so I put the shoes in a bag and sealed it up. A couple of nights later I got the equipment I needed to clean the shoes and I was back in service with my not so dog poo friendly Nike’s.
Now to the point.
Life is an incredible journey. The mountain top experiences are wonderful but the prize is always in the journey. Sometimes there is dog poo in our path. We surely want to avoid it if possible but sometimes we just step in it. We are negatively affected and the people around us are negatively affected. And it can take some time to get over it.
The choice we have is to not let the dog poo of life rob us from the beauty of the journey.
It is definitely a choice we make.
Monday, October 10, 2011
A Very Good Dog Tired
I’m not sure where to begin writing about our travels up and down the coast of Maine this past week but there are several story lines. Although the vacation had been planned for months, it could not have come at a better time for my wife and a couple of her siblings. The funeral service for their mother was held a few days before we began our little journey. The only missing link was that the youngest sibling and her hubby were not able to make it.
We flew into Boston about a week ago, rented a Suburban and after a few hours in downtown Boston, the six of us headed north. We have laughed a lot. A whole lot. And I have eaten more lobster and blueberry pie in one week than I had my entire first 57 years.
The scenery was breathtaking and although each night’s stay was planned, if we saw something that caught our eye, we pulled over and enjoyed it.
As in all of our journeys, if we just take the time to look, there are life lessons that jump out at us along the way.
I couldn’t help but notice it took effort to get to the most beautiful sights. Whether it was the hike we took up south Bubbles mountain, the treacherous and very long walk on the rocks to get to to Breakwater Lighthouse, the hour line we stood in for the best lobster roll in Maine or breaking and pulling the final shell off the delicious lobster, you find the best only after much effort.
Just as in life.
As time permits, I will write about some of our experiences. I’m sure I will mention such things as Lynn almost breaking her leg, Kathy dropping her phone in the toilet, the little “witch is in” desk clerk that turned out not to be a witch after all and the importance of having “dog friendly’ shoes when you hike up a mountain.
And there were all the places we ate and the ratings we gave them. Who knows - some of you may want to try some of the places as well. Maybe I can help.
Then there is the agony of waiting outside all the little shops with other men from across the country as the ladies browse and shop inside.
Additionally there are over 800 pictures - and video footage to boot - so there is a video tribute of this trip that must be done.
Although we don’t have the luxury to do so, this was a vacation where you need another vacation to recuperate. We are all dog tired.
Kinda like the “dog tired” when we arrived at the top of the mountain and saw the incredible view of God’s creation.
A very good dog tired.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
My (almost) Very Own Hannah Kasulka
Thank goodness for technology such as TiVo and DVR. I will definitely be utilizing my DVR Saturday night at 8pm. There is a huge conflict on my television calendar.
The Georgia Bulldogs will kick-off the 2011 season against Boise (as in Idaho) State. I plan to watch every play like I have for past 39 years since I began my secondary and other important worldly education in Athens. The game could be very ugly or very pretty. Nobody knows for sure.
And at the same time a movie will be showing on NBC called, "Game Time: Tackling the Past." I happen to know the outcome of this one will be pretty. Not just pretty because I have read the reviews but pretty because my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka will be playing the role of cheerleader Allie Jacobs.
And I happen to know Hannah is pretty - as in "drop dead gorgeous” pretty. I hope you will excuse my “undertaker” lingo.
I've been at most of Hannah's important life events. I was there at her birth 23 years ago. I said a few words at her baby dedication a few months later. I think I was close by when she took her first steps. I even introduced her to a large banquet crowd when she was a little girl when she ran across the stage and jumped in my arms. There have been more than a few dance recitals I attended as she was growing up. I closely followed her modeling career and would whisper to whoever was next to me, “I know this girl,” when I would see her picture in magazines. I smiled when she graduated with honors from high school and beamed with pride a few years after that when she graduated a semester early again with honors with a Business Management degree from Georgia Tech.
I have known since she was a child and said many times to whoever would listen, "This girl was born to be somebody."
I was not at all surprised when my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka left everybody and everything familiar after her college graduation and moved alone across the country to LA to pursue her dream in acting. And I smiled again when a talent agency quickly picked her up and I began to see her get a TV role or two or three along the way. In fact she has just shot another movie that will be coming to the big screen soon entitled, “What To Expect When You Are Expecting” starring Cameron Diaz.
But in the mean time, as Hannah’s acting career is ramping up, Saturday September 3rd is a big night for me. At 8PM the 2011 edition of my very own Georgia Bulldogs will be debuting on ESPN and at the same time my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka will be debuting as Allie Jacobs on NBC.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am planning on watching both.
The Georgia Bulldogs will kick-off the 2011 season against Boise (as in Idaho) State. I plan to watch every play like I have for past 39 years since I began my secondary and other important worldly education in Athens. The game could be very ugly or very pretty. Nobody knows for sure.
And at the same time a movie will be showing on NBC called, "Game Time: Tackling the Past." I happen to know the outcome of this one will be pretty. Not just pretty because I have read the reviews but pretty because my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka will be playing the role of cheerleader Allie Jacobs.
And I happen to know Hannah is pretty - as in "drop dead gorgeous” pretty. I hope you will excuse my “undertaker” lingo.
I've been at most of Hannah's important life events. I was there at her birth 23 years ago. I said a few words at her baby dedication a few months later. I think I was close by when she took her first steps. I even introduced her to a large banquet crowd when she was a little girl when she ran across the stage and jumped in my arms. There have been more than a few dance recitals I attended as she was growing up. I closely followed her modeling career and would whisper to whoever was next to me, “I know this girl,” when I would see her picture in magazines. I smiled when she graduated with honors from high school and beamed with pride a few years after that when she graduated a semester early again with honors with a Business Management degree from Georgia Tech.
I have known since she was a child and said many times to whoever would listen, "This girl was born to be somebody."
I was not at all surprised when my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka left everybody and everything familiar after her college graduation and moved alone across the country to LA to pursue her dream in acting. And I smiled again when a talent agency quickly picked her up and I began to see her get a TV role or two or three along the way. In fact she has just shot another movie that will be coming to the big screen soon entitled, “What To Expect When You Are Expecting” starring Cameron Diaz.
But in the mean time, as Hannah’s acting career is ramping up, Saturday September 3rd is a big night for me. At 8PM the 2011 edition of my very own Georgia Bulldogs will be debuting on ESPN and at the same time my (almost) very own Hannah Kasulka will be debuting as Allie Jacobs on NBC.
If you haven’t figured it out yet, I am planning on watching both.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
God's Gift

Tonight we went to see the movie, "The Help." To say I was moved by the story would be an understatement. Next to my parents, the person who had the most influence on me than any other person on earth was a lady that would be called "The Help." As I look back, I can tell you she was not the help.
She was God's gift.
Below is an excerpt from my book, "View From a Hearse."
-------------------------------------------------
As were most southern towns in the early sixties, Reynolds was very segregated. Not only did the blacks and whites go to different schools and different churches, but they also went to different restrooms. I vividly remember seeing signs on restroom doors plainly stating “Whites Only.” Crooks Restaurant, which was a typical southern family restaurant, changed its name to “Crooks Private Dining Club” when the desegregation laws came into existence. When you got to the front door, Mr. Crook would look to see who you were and he would hit a buzzer that would unlock the door to let you in. There were two waiting rooms at the hospital. The front room was for the whites. The blacks had to come through the alley to a back waiting room. The main wing of the hospital was for white patients. The back wing was for the black patients. The blacks lived in two different sections of town called “bottoms.” The section across the railroad tracks was called the “Big Bottom.” On the south side of town there was a settlement called “Goddard’s Bottom.” My great-grandfather owned that land at one time. Many of the white families had maids. It was not unusual to see a white housewife driving through town with her maid sitting in the back seat by herself on the way to work. The maids cooked, washed, cleaned, and kept the kids. When the family sat down to eat a meal, the maid would eat by herself after the family had finished, and many times they would drink out of a mason jar instead of using the regular glasses. Many younger readers will have a hard time believing all that, but trust me, it is the truth.
Now you need to understand, as bad as all that may seem, there was an upside for the black community. Many of these ladies were uneducated and untrained and had no way of making a living except for working as domestic workers in these homes. The black men who did not have a job would work in the “white folks,” yards. They would usually be fed on a picnic table outside, and they would drink out of mason jars too.
We had a maid who worked at our house. Her name was Jessie Mae King. She waited on us hand and foot as long as I can remember. She cooked the best fried chicken and hoe-cake cornbread I have ever eaten, and her beef stew could cause a fight at the table.
Jessie lived in a literal shack in Goddard’s Bottom. Her husband died at a young age, and Jessie was left to raise four children alone. They had no running water, and their bathroom was an outhouse located in the yard. Their only heat came from the wood they burned in their stove. Their house consisted of two rooms. One room is where they all slept, and the other room was a little kitchen. There were no monthly welfare checks in those days. Their only income was whatever Jessie earned working at our house. The clothes they wore were hand-me-downs that we gave them. Most of their meals came from leftovers at our house.
The interesting thing is that her children all became very productive members of society. Her oldest son had a career in the military. The two girls moved to California and became very successful. Her youngest son, Billy, married and stayed in Reynolds to look after his mom.
Daddy was determined to help get Jessie and Billy out of that shack. In the early seventies his determination paid off. Jessie and Billy and his family moved into a brand new three-bedroom house, complete with running water, restrooms, and central heat and air. If anyone ever deserved a new house, it was Jessie Mae King.

Jessie was always a very important part of our family. She had full authority to discipline us and all the other kids that were in and out of our house. And she did. She would break a branch off a tree in the back yard, and make a switch, and she would wear us out with it when we disobeyed her.
Every time there was thunder and lightning, Jessie would make us all sit still and be quiet. She would always say, “The Lord is talking – we better listen.” Whenever we got sick, Jessie would be right there tending to us and making sure we got better. And she would always pray for us.

I always believed Jessie had a direct line to God. She had a child-like faith, and I kind of think God smiled on that. If any of us had a real need, we would always get Jessie to pray. She did not have much education, but she had more wisdom than any person I have ever known.
I never saw Jessie get angry. I never heard her say an unkind word about anyone. I never saw her lose her patience, and she was never rude. Jessie kept no record of wrongs and never tried to get her way. She found no delight in evil, but always rejoiced in the truth.
Jessie will never receive accolades from this world for what she accomplished in life. She does not have a place on her wall where she hangs her diplomas and certificates of achievement. She never had any money in the bank and never even drove an automobile.
The truth is she spent her life on earth serving our family.
I have a strong feeling our family will spend an eternity serving her in heaven.
(From View From a Hearse, 2005)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The Gift of Friendship
I’m not sure how many conversations started with these words last Saturday but I can tell you there were many...
“Do you remember when....”
Billy Bell, Jimmy Childre, Jr, Will Crawley and I have tons of shared memories. Beginning life together some 57 years ago, we all grew up together in Reynolds, Ga. We went to Sunday School and church together.... and got in trouble together. We went through school together and sat in the same classrooms together. We played baseball together. And basketball. And golf. And anything else we could think of to play.
Our parents were friends. Our grandparents were friends. Our dogs and cats even knew each other. We were fortunate enough to be influenced by the same incredible folks during the most formative years of our lives.
Although we don’t see each other often, our friendship has only become stronger through the years. The truth is it is next to impossible not to be friends with others who share so many memories and have so much in common.
The conversations pick right up from the last time we saw each other. The words flow easy, the smiles are not forced and the laughs come often.
Appropriately, the stated purpose of our get together was to spend the day at the PGA Championship near Atlanta and watch a little golf. Appropriate because we all spent many hours together for many years playing golf on our little 9 hole course in our little town.
Many years ago, a young man from Tennessee moved to Reynolds for a few years to manage our golf course. A lot of our memories at that course include Howard Catron.
Our friendship with Howard never ended either. He and a friend drove over five hours from Tennessee to join us for the day at the tournament.
I suppose there are some days that end and you breathe a sigh of relief and thank God it’s over.
There are other days you wish would never end. But when the great days do end, and they always do, you lie down at night and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift you have been given.
In this instance - the gift of lifelong friendships.
“Do you remember when....”
Billy Bell, Jimmy Childre, Jr, Will Crawley and I have tons of shared memories. Beginning life together some 57 years ago, we all grew up together in Reynolds, Ga. We went to Sunday School and church together.... and got in trouble together. We went through school together and sat in the same classrooms together. We played baseball together. And basketball. And golf. And anything else we could think of to play.
Our parents were friends. Our grandparents were friends. Our dogs and cats even knew each other. We were fortunate enough to be influenced by the same incredible folks during the most formative years of our lives.
Although we don’t see each other often, our friendship has only become stronger through the years. The truth is it is next to impossible not to be friends with others who share so many memories and have so much in common.
The conversations pick right up from the last time we saw each other. The words flow easy, the smiles are not forced and the laughs come often.
Appropriately, the stated purpose of our get together was to spend the day at the PGA Championship near Atlanta and watch a little golf. Appropriate because we all spent many hours together for many years playing golf on our little 9 hole course in our little town.
Many years ago, a young man from Tennessee moved to Reynolds for a few years to manage our golf course. A lot of our memories at that course include Howard Catron.
Our friendship with Howard never ended either. He and a friend drove over five hours from Tennessee to join us for the day at the tournament.
I suppose there are some days that end and you breathe a sigh of relief and thank God it’s over.
There are other days you wish would never end. But when the great days do end, and they always do, you lie down at night and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift you have been given.
In this instance - the gift of lifelong friendships.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Customer Service
Our land line phone is not working. After running the traps, I decided I better call MCI to talk to someone to get them to fix it.
At least that was my plan.
I called the 800 number and got the dreaded recording. For at least 10 minutes, I listened to a computer voice and did what it told me to do. I punched in account numbers and phone numbers. I said and repeated what they asked me to say to the computer.
Computers are knowledgeable and all but they can be pretty cold.
Finally I got a person on the phone. I’m not sure if he was from China or in China but I am very certain he was not from here.
It was very difficult for him to understand me, bless his heart. And I was having a similar challenge. He asked me questions most of which I had no idea of the question much less the answer. I asked him a few questions that he didn’t seem to know the answer to either.
Finally after about 30 minutes of us talking without a much needed interpreter, he told me he would have a serviceman right out to fix it... absolutely no later than August 17th.
I looked at the calendar on my watch. “Did you just say August 17th? That’s like a week away.”
“Absolutely,” I think he said. He seemed to be very proud of his efficiency and wonderful customer service.
I hung up the phone thinking about the customer service we gave folks at our grocery store in Reynolds when I was growing up. Ladies would call the store and give us their order that could sometimes be 3 or 4 pages long and ask us to charge it to their account. I would get a buggy, fill their order, deliver the groceries to their house and put the cold stuff in the fridge and the frozen stuff in the freezer. Sometimes they would even ask me to open a coca cola for them as they sat in their easy chair watching television.
We didn’t charge extra for that service either. Neither did our competitor.
Talk about the good life.
I’m sure somebody from MCI or their contractor will eventually come out and get our land line phone fixed so we will be able to communicate with the outside world.
In the meantime if you need me, I guess you will have to text me, tweet me or post me up on Facebook.
At least that was my plan.
I called the 800 number and got the dreaded recording. For at least 10 minutes, I listened to a computer voice and did what it told me to do. I punched in account numbers and phone numbers. I said and repeated what they asked me to say to the computer.
Computers are knowledgeable and all but they can be pretty cold.
Finally I got a person on the phone. I’m not sure if he was from China or in China but I am very certain he was not from here.
It was very difficult for him to understand me, bless his heart. And I was having a similar challenge. He asked me questions most of which I had no idea of the question much less the answer. I asked him a few questions that he didn’t seem to know the answer to either.
Finally after about 30 minutes of us talking without a much needed interpreter, he told me he would have a serviceman right out to fix it... absolutely no later than August 17th.
I looked at the calendar on my watch. “Did you just say August 17th? That’s like a week away.”
“Absolutely,” I think he said. He seemed to be very proud of his efficiency and wonderful customer service.
I hung up the phone thinking about the customer service we gave folks at our grocery store in Reynolds when I was growing up. Ladies would call the store and give us their order that could sometimes be 3 or 4 pages long and ask us to charge it to their account. I would get a buggy, fill their order, deliver the groceries to their house and put the cold stuff in the fridge and the frozen stuff in the freezer. Sometimes they would even ask me to open a coca cola for them as they sat in their easy chair watching television.
We didn’t charge extra for that service either. Neither did our competitor.
Talk about the good life.
I’m sure somebody from MCI or their contractor will eventually come out and get our land line phone fixed so we will be able to communicate with the outside world.
In the meantime if you need me, I guess you will have to text me, tweet me or post me up on Facebook.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Faith and Laughter
When we were kids, she prohibited her children from playing golf on Sunday or swimming on Sunday or participating in a cake walk any day of the week. Playing marbles was also on the “can’t do” list.
Playing marbles for keeps was gambling and so was the cake walk at the annual Halloween carnival at the school, even if they were raising money for a good cause. Sunday was a day that should be kept holy and evidently golfing and swimming were forms of unholy exercise.
Alcohol was from the devil himself and we didn’t even have the rubbing variety in our house. We always had an ample supply of Witch Hazel . I suppose the word “alcohol” was written in very small letters so it made it okay.
My oldest brother tells the story of the first time he went in a movie theater. He was convinced he would be doomed to eternal damnation for just walking in the door.
We went to church on Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday nights. Not many kids showed up on Wednesday nights at the Reynolds United Methodist Church besides us and maybe Don and Hazel’s children.
I have many memories as a kid walking down the hall at our house and looking in the living room and seeing her on her knees with her very worn King James in her hands.
On most nights before we went to bed, we would gather in our parents room. Someone would read the Bible out loud and we would take turns praying out loud. On the nights we did not gather in the bedroom as a family, she would come in our rooms and pray with each of us. And for each of us.
As we got older, she got free from the legalism. Maybe having a house full of non-legalistic kids helped prod her along but I know it was more than that. We eventually played golf on Sunday afternoons and even took some Sabbath swims in the neighbors pool.
But thankfully she never got free from the Bible study and the praying.
I am convinced my mother’s prayers kept me alive a few times late at night during my formative years when my stupid actions were pushing the life envelope.
I also have vivid memories as a kid of getting tucked in at night by my mom with a house full of my parents’ friends at our house and going to sleep to the sound of laughter.
I learned during those nights that laughter is even better than a rainy night when it’s time to go to sleep.
She never missed a baseball game or a basketball game or any other event in which her children were participating. She even became an Atlanta Braves fan and a Georgia Bulldog fan.
Because her children were fans.
As I grew into an adult, she became more than a mom. She was my friend and she was my confidant. She became the grandmother of my children. And my wife’s best friend.
A couple of days before she died she wanted to tell us something. I had to bend over her hospital bed and put my ear right next to her lips to hear her very weak voice. I’ll never forget what she said.
“The Braves won last night.”
All we could do is shake our heads and smile.
Eighteen years ago today, Naia Gonzalez Goddard, left her earthly home and entered into rest for eternity with her creator, who she served with her whole heart all her adult life.
She left us here to fend for ourselves.
But she left us a gift. Actually a couple of gifts come to mind.
Faith and laughter.
I don’t know if the Braves really won that night or not. But I am convinced of this one thing.
She won.
Playing marbles for keeps was gambling and so was the cake walk at the annual Halloween carnival at the school, even if they were raising money for a good cause. Sunday was a day that should be kept holy and evidently golfing and swimming were forms of unholy exercise.
Alcohol was from the devil himself and we didn’t even have the rubbing variety in our house. We always had an ample supply of Witch Hazel . I suppose the word “alcohol” was written in very small letters so it made it okay.
My oldest brother tells the story of the first time he went in a movie theater. He was convinced he would be doomed to eternal damnation for just walking in the door.
We went to church on Sunday morning, Sunday evening and Wednesday nights. Not many kids showed up on Wednesday nights at the Reynolds United Methodist Church besides us and maybe Don and Hazel’s children.
I have many memories as a kid walking down the hall at our house and looking in the living room and seeing her on her knees with her very worn King James in her hands.
On most nights before we went to bed, we would gather in our parents room. Someone would read the Bible out loud and we would take turns praying out loud. On the nights we did not gather in the bedroom as a family, she would come in our rooms and pray with each of us. And for each of us.
As we got older, she got free from the legalism. Maybe having a house full of non-legalistic kids helped prod her along but I know it was more than that. We eventually played golf on Sunday afternoons and even took some Sabbath swims in the neighbors pool.
But thankfully she never got free from the Bible study and the praying.
I am convinced my mother’s prayers kept me alive a few times late at night during my formative years when my stupid actions were pushing the life envelope.
I also have vivid memories as a kid of getting tucked in at night by my mom with a house full of my parents’ friends at our house and going to sleep to the sound of laughter.
I learned during those nights that laughter is even better than a rainy night when it’s time to go to sleep.
She never missed a baseball game or a basketball game or any other event in which her children were participating. She even became an Atlanta Braves fan and a Georgia Bulldog fan.
Because her children were fans.
As I grew into an adult, she became more than a mom. She was my friend and she was my confidant. She became the grandmother of my children. And my wife’s best friend.
A couple of days before she died she wanted to tell us something. I had to bend over her hospital bed and put my ear right next to her lips to hear her very weak voice. I’ll never forget what she said.
“The Braves won last night.”
All we could do is shake our heads and smile.
Eighteen years ago today, Naia Gonzalez Goddard, left her earthly home and entered into rest for eternity with her creator, who she served with her whole heart all her adult life.
She left us here to fend for ourselves.
But she left us a gift. Actually a couple of gifts come to mind.
Faith and laughter.
I don’t know if the Braves really won that night or not. But I am convinced of this one thing.
She won.
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