Doe's Eat Place

(Bentonville, AR) Being a connoisseur of fine red meat, my antenna rises when I am traveling and I hear someone recommend a great place to eat a steak.

When a second person and then a third person recommend the same establishment, I sort of make it my business to make my way there.

Doe’s Eat Place is known for their world famous steaks and tamales. I didn’t eat the tamales but two of my co-workers and I ate the biggest steak and best I think I have ever eaten.

And I’ve eaten a few.

I discovered a few interesting details about the history of this famous eating place while there.

Without going into all the details, in the early forties, the business started as an African American “Honky Tonk” in Greenville MS serving only African Americans. They had a small kitchen in the back where they prepared food for the honky tonkers. Big Doe and Mamie who worked in the kitchen developed quite a reputation for serving great tamales. A local Caucasian doctor began stopping by (at the back door) between calls to eat a delicious tamale. One day he asked “Big Doe” to cook him a steak. Big Doe cooked the good doctor a huge steak to go with the normal tamale.

The doctor was more than impressed.

The doctor began bringing his friends to join him for the great food. Being Caucasian, they were required to eat out of sight in the back of the building.

Talk about discrimination.

The business grew. Big Doe now had an African American Honky Tonk in the front and a Caucasian “Eat Place” in the back. He eventually closed down the Honky Tonk and expanded the Eat Place.

And the rest is history.

Big Doe passed away in 1987 but his Eat Place is now a chain of about 14 restaurants in such places as Mississippi, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Missouri and Louisiana.

For the record, they don’t charge by the steak. They charge by the pound.

It just doesn’t get any better than Does’s Eat Place.

In the video below you will see that Frances took great care of us.

Not Bad for a White Boy

The first video is from 1983 and I believe it is the first time Michael Jackson did the moonwalk on stage and you will see he brought the house down.

The King of Pop was was obviously a troubled man at the end and was about as weird as weird can get.

But in spite of all his personal problems, he might have been the greatest entertainer of my lifetime.

Maybe this is how he should be remembered.

The second video is my youngest son Luke impersonating him.

Not bad for a white boy.

Can't Touch This!

No Dancing on the Golf Course

I have written about the Chicken George Golf Tournament before here. But the video below is too good NOT to share with all my friends in blog land.

The Annual Chicken George Golf Tournament was started by my brother, Chicken George Goddard. His excuse for starting the tournament in the late seventies was to bring our University of Georgia fraternity brothers together once a year. George and I were in the same fraternity so I also was friends with all the Lambda Chi’s who gathered in Reynolds one weekend a year.

Each year the tournament grew and others not related to the fraternity joined the fun.

People from many different states came to Reynolds to play the little 9-hole golf course. The two day tournament would have three shotgun starts each day at its height and there would be two sixsomes on each tee when each round was played.

That equates to 108 golfers on the nine hole course each round.

I don’t think there has ever been in the history of golf that many golfers on a 9 hole golf course. It was incredible and we were fortunate nobody got killed by a stray golf ball.

Interestingly, some of the golfers were serious and accomplished golfers. Others just came to play for the fun.

I’ve played in many golf tournaments in my life and there has never been one any more fun than the Chicken George Golf tournament.

For you folks with Reynolds Ga connections, you will see Buster Byrd and Tommy Neely in the video below at their best. And if you keep watching you will be able to study the golf swing of the one and only Dealer Downs Scott.

The video below was filmed in 1985. I was the camera man and the commentator. The golfers in the dancing scene are made up of friends from college and a couple of famous local guys mentioned above. The dancing took place right in the middle of the tournament while golfers in the fairway behind them were waiting to hit.

This was golf in its purest form.

And there was only one rule.

No dancing on the golf course.

Phone Wars

It all began last Thursday. I was innocently sitting at my desk in my office working and I picked up the phone to call someone and noticed the phone was dead. Let me say that better. We have four lines running through my office and all four lines were dead.

Since we have a lot of phones ringing in my office, it’s kind of important to have phones that work.

For some strange reason, our phone system is in the office unit next to our unit. That has never been much of a problem up until last Thursday.

I knew that the tenants who office upstairs in our complex were moving in the bigger office next to us. So my first thought when my phones went out was the electricity had been turned off next door getting ready for the new tenants. So we called our landlord.

He discovered that our entire phone system had been removed by the new tenants. (We later learned they were planning on selling it on Ebay). Not only was our phone system removed but the phone company had removed all our lines coming in from outside. Although our landlord assures us the new tenant was told our phone system was in his office, the new tenant obviously did not understand.

The tenants next door finally called their guy who hooked up their phone system (and disconnected ours) to reconnect our system. After he did that we still had no service because the lines from the outside had to be brought back in the building.

I was trying to practice my Christianity and be very patient until someone got our phones working again. The landlord was blaming the situation on the new tenant and the tenant was blaming the situation on the landlord.

In the meantime, Monday came and we still had no phones.

And my Christianity was starting to wear off.

My assistant called the phone company (on her cell phone) several times on Monday and they finally came in the afternoon to run our lines back in the building. They spent a few hours doing that and when they got finished, one of our lines was still not working. And the one not working happened to be on my desk.

The phone company guy said he had done all he could do. He said the issue was in our phone system and he could not work on those. He said we had to get whoever installed the phone system to come figure out what was wrong.

At our request, the landlord came back to our office.

I asked him who was going to pay for our man to come to our office complex to repair a phone system that was working perfectly until our neighbors took it out. He said the new neighbors should pay for it and it was not his responsibility to pay for it.

By now my Christianity had completely worn off.

I told him I was going to call the company we bought the system from and have him come to repair it and I would pay for it. And I would deduct whatever I pay off next month’s rent. I told him he could work out whether the tenant next door would pay for it or not – that was up to them.

The very calm landlord all of a sudden got very angry. I thought he was going to hit me. I’m glad he didn’t because at that point I was not at all prepared to turn the other cheek.

So we called the man who installed our system 5 years ago and he came today and fixed whatever they messed up in our phone system (in the other office) in about 15 minutes. And he was on his way.

I thought the phone wars were finally over.

I was wrong.

I went to lunch and when I returned our new next door neighbor was in our office. Now one of their lines was not working. He probably thought we told our guy to unhook their phone line, which of course we didn’t.

Now our neighbors are not happy campers.

Before the day ended, I have to tell you I had moved from anger to laughter. We’ve been in this office for over five years and never had a cross word with our landlord or any of our tenant neighbors and now everybody was about ready to fight over the stupid phones. And we will most likely be moving to another place where they appreciate our money a little more.

That just struck me as funny.

I’ll be on the road for a couple of days. I’m pretty sure I’ll have my Christianity back when I return to the office on Friday. But if the landlord points his finger at me again, I’m asking for forgiveness ahead of time.

I’ll kick his butt.

The Paradigm Has Shifted

They don’t make undertakers like they used to.

Thank God.

Undertakers are usually portrayed in movies as being the tall man lurking in the shadows wearing the dark suit with tails and the large black top hat.

I’ve never known an undertaker to wear such an outfit. In fact most undertakers I have known wear normal clothes and are actually pretty fun men, so I suppose those guys with the funny hats were from a time long past.

But the undertaker paradigm has shifted.

A lot of undertakers are not men anymore.


As you can see, Tracy and Julie could be professional models. But instead they are professional funeral directors. Since I know them well, I happen to know they are very good at what they do. In fact I’ll put them up against any funeral director anywhere. They have that God given gift to walk families through the darkest days of their lives. They are professional and compassionate. They know the importance of details at a time when details are very important.

Both of these professional ladies know how to be serious. But they also know how to have fun.

And they have brought the funeral hat back.

Like I said, the paradigm has shifted.

Sexual Matters

I have mentioned here several times about our church life group we meet with on Sunday nights. The group is made up of a group of young married couples… and then there are old folks like my wife and me and our pastor and his wife.

We are not really old but we are not as good as we once were – but we are as good once as we ever were.

We have a lot of fun eating and enjoying each other’s company and building lasting friendships. Hopefully some of these young folks will at least visit Kathy and me in the nursing home one of these days.

But we also discuss biblical truths.

The lesson last night included a discussion from 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5. When you get through reading this go find a Bible and read those verses. In case you don’t, Paul is suggesting for husbands and wives to look after each other’s sexual needs. He even goes on to talk about not withholding your body from each other unless you agree and then only for a certain time.

For some of you that means at least wait until the six o’clock news is over.

Paul insinuates that if you don’t look after that need, someone else may look after it for you.

Anyway, we had fun discussing such sexual matters with these young married folks. Such topics are great for small groups and are important for young married folks. After our discussion, I told them all to go home and do it.

I was thinking today this situation we are in with the economy is great for marriages. If you can’t afford to go out to eat you can certainly afford to stay home and cuddle. And it’s much more fun to stay home and cuddle.

To prove my point, I read recently that condom sales were up 5% in the fourth quarter of 2008 and were up 6% in January of 2009.

At the rate we are going, sales may be up 25% by summer.

And the divorce rate will be down by 25%.

On second thought - turn you computer off, dim the lights, put on some soft music, grab a Trojan and go give your body away to your spouse.

You can read those Bible verses later.

Guaranteed Smile

I'm sure most you have seen this before but it won't hurt to watch again.. and lord knows we could all use a reason to smile.

And this will make you do that. Guaranteed smile.

Hilarious

If you need a laugh - this is your day. Enjoy!

Smiley Face

I didn't take this picture but if I had seen it and had my camera I most definitely would have. In fact, I would have gone back to the car to get my camera to capture this.

A friend emailed the picture to me with this caption, "This is why you should twirl one time in front of the mirror every morning before leaving the house."

I don't know if this nice lady was wearing her own underwear or was wearing her granddaughter's, but she definitely caused several folks in that grocery store to have their own smiley face.

And I thought you folks in blog land could use a smiley face of your own.

Smile.

You've earned it on this Monday.

Blog Year in Review - 2008

Engagement of the Year: Actually this is probably the engagement of the decade and maybe of my lifetime. My youngest son, Luke, pulled it off on St. Simons Island in August. He caught it all on video and it made his daddy and mama cry and about 12,000 other folks so far on You Tube. Not only did we get the incredible video but much more importantly, another beautiful daughter in law will be added to our family in September. You can view the video again by clicking here.

Wedding of the Year: I was there when she was born and had the privilege of watching her grow up and I was there when she got married. A stunning bride and a handsome groom make incredible weddings. Collier and Amanda Watson’s wedding was as beautiful as it gets and I wrote about it in August.

Celebrity Sightings of the Year: Hanging around airports as much as I do, I am bound to run into interesting folks. In March I was on a plane with the famous Smothers Brothers and met them and took a quick picture when we exited the plane. In December, a co-worker and I ran into ESPN reporter Chris Mortensen in an airport and sat next to him on the plane. I wrote about both of these celebrity encounters.

Youngest Senior Citizen of the Year: Hands down, Mrs. Ruth Jones takes this award. You can find my former middle school teacher at an assisted living facility in Fort Valley Ga. You can also now find her on Facebook. I wrote about this incredible lady in December.

2008 Eulan Brown Award Winner: This award given to the person who never gives up and keeps on getting up goes to an incredible young lady by the name of Catherine Carswell. She was the youngest girl ever in the state of Georgia diagnosed with breast cancer. I wrote about her in 2007 and in September of this year, I had dinner with her and her fiancé and her mom – and wrote about it here. This incredible young woman today is cancer free and her tenacity and attitude has inspired a ton of folks, including me.

Most Poignant Moment: It was in Chicago and it was a moment I still think about. I was in that city for a speaking engagement and found myself in a cab with a driver who asked me why I was in town. For the next 45 minutes in Chicago rush hour traffic and freezing rain, this complete stranger and I had a conversation that is usually reserved for lifetime friends. I wrote about this incredible encounter and moment in April.

Picture of the Year: Although I have shared a truck load of pictures I have taken this year, the one taken of me with an unknown bride on a riverboat cruise on the Tennessee River is the one that gets this award. I posted that picture and wrote about my wedding crashing moment in an article called “I Never Even Got Her Name” in May.

Birthday Party of the Year: Although everybody has birthdays every year, none was more special than the one on January 24 when my precious princess, Taylor Reese Goddard, celebrated her first at our home. I wrote about it and shared a few pictures as well. In fact, I shared quite a few pictures of Taylor throughout the year. And If I’m still breathing, you will see plenty more of her in 2009. Remember you have been warned.

Most Deserving Award of the Year: It happened in February at the Georgia Sports Hall of Fame Banquet in Atlanta when Norman Carter was honored for being inducted into that special fraternity. I have written about this incredible human being and legendary high school basketball coach and his teams several times on this blog. My wife and I attended the induction banquet for her former coach and lifelong hero. It was a chill bump moment and I was proud to be there and proud to write about it here.

Speaking of chill bump moments….

The Chill Bump Moment of the Year: This happened in Antebellum Grove in Warner Robins, GA in September when an elderly female patient who could not remember where she was from or where her children lived sat down at a piano and played every song I requested as if she had the music in front of her. It was not only a chill bump moment but also a tear drop moment. I wrote about this amazing lady and that amazing moment on September 28.

Vacation of the Year: As last year, my family spent another week at Hilton Head at the beach. I posted plenty of pictures here in early July. Nothing compares to the relaxing time I get to spend with my family. It just doesn’t get any better than that.

Weekend of the Year: I was fortunate to join my wife, her brother and his wife, her sister and her husband for a getaway to New York City in April. We stayed in an apartment at a funeral home although I suppose all of us could have afforded a real hotel. I posted several articles here about that weekend. It was truly a trip of a life time and one I will never forget.

Waitress of the Year: I meet a lot of waitresses throughout the year and strike up a conversation with most. Ariel wins this award hands down and it had nothing to do with serving food. This beautiful high school senior had been in an automobile accident a few months before I met her in a BBQ Restaurant in Hayden Alabama. Three of the four girls in the backseat of the car were killed in the accident. Ariel was the other girl in the backseat. I told her incredible story here and posted a picture of her on May 28.

Community Spirit of the Year: I wrote about Red Bay Alabama on June 1. I was there to speak at a banquet honoring all the merchants of this incredible community. I have never been more impressed with the community spirit in a small town. This community also gets the award for having the most copies of my book. The sponsor gave a copy to every couple who attended.


Triplets of the Year: My great nieces, Mary Camp, Southerland and Ridley, are about as cute as cute can be. I have written about them a couple of times and I still don't know how Ben and Elizabeth do it. Now Elzabeth is pregnant again. In the meantime I captured a pretty special moment at the Goddard family Christmas gathering with this pic.

Student Athlete of the Year: I wrote about Georgia Tech football player James Liipfert on August 26. He graduated from Georgia Tech earlier this month and will be playing his final game tonight at the Georgia Dome in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. He may not play professional football but I will guarantee you he will have a heck of a career in life.

Nostalgic Weekend of the Year: We had talked about doing something like this for several years but in August of 2008 we did it. My lifelong friend, Jimmy Childre, Jr and I spent a weekend in New York City. We attended a Yankees game and two Broadway plays. We reminisced, we laughed, we ate very well, we discussed every subject under the sun and we had an incredible time that can only be experienced by a couple of guys who have been best friends for 54 years. I posted several articles here about that incredible weekend.

Most Beautiful Eligible Bachelorette: This is easy. This award goes to Erin Edwards. This Arkansas beauty has it all and is a winner if I have ever seen one. I met her in Bentonville Arkansas and wrote about her and posted her picture here on November 4.

Most Beautiful Not Eligible Bachelorette: This award goes to Chaley Bibb. I wrote about this gorgeous 16 year old girl on November 2. She will make some very lucky guy a wonderful wife – one day. I just hope I don’t have to bury the snotty nosed boy that tries to get ahead of her dad’s timetable.

Blessed Man of the Year: I get this award. I have a beautiful wife of over 31 years who amazingly continues to love me and put up with me. I have three wonderful sons, two daughters in law and one soon to be daughter in law who make me more proud than words can express. And I have a perfect grandbaby girl who calls me Papa.

Obituaries of the Year: I wrote about each of the folks listed below during the year. Each one of them impacted my life in a personal and positive manner and I am a better person for having known them. May they rest in peace.

Faye Amerson
Edward Arnold
Neil Hinton, Jr.
Ephraim K. Johnson
Evelyn McGill
Blanche Perkins
Dr. Clifford Ray
Lisa Windham

And here’s hoping none of us reading this will be listed in the obituaries here next year.

The way I see it, every day above ground is a good one.

Happy New Year.


(FYI, there is a Search Blog box at the left top of this page. You can type in key words or names and hit search to find a previous post if you want to check it out :-)

Rather Be Sick at Home

I was driving down the road recently listening to a radio talk show. A guy, who also travels for a living, was saying the loneliest place in the world is to be sick on the road.

I wholeheartedly agree. The comment brought back a couple of memories. And since I heard that radio show, more memories have been created.

Unless you have been in a hotel room alone about 1000 miles from home puking your head off, having chills and running a high fever, you probably can’t relate. No Tylenol, no aspirin, no heavy blanket, nobody to ask how you’re doing – no nothing. I remember being in such a room in such a predicament in NE Texas a few years ago and almost crawling to the door to make sure the dead bolt was unlocked. I wanted the undertakers to be able to get in the room so they could drag me out in case I didn’t make it. And I was thinking me not making it was a real possibility that night.

I also remembered the morning I was in Louisiana riding with a co-worker and was feeling nauseated. I thought I was having a bad reaction to something I had eaten that morning. By the time he dropped me off at the airport, I was sick as a dog. I remember making it through security, finding a bar in the airport and getting a glass of ginger ale to sip on to try to settle my stomach. I didn’t look that day but I was most likely the only person in a business suit lying on the floor at the gate waiting to board the plane. By the grace of God that day I was upgraded to First Class on the first row. We had barely got in the air before I was in the little airplane bathroom running out of both ends. Since I could not close the door of the restroom, the flight attendant held up a blanket to protect the other passengers from the ungodly sight.

She had to hold that blanket several different times. I think she was an angel.

I can’t even begin to explain the horrific experience when I arrived in Atlanta that night, somehow walking to the train and riding it to baggage claim, having to wait at least 30 minutes on my luggage, walking out in the cold to catch the shuttle to off sight parking, and then driving the 2 hrs home. I had temperature over 102 degrees when I finally got home.

I guess I have been fortunate when I think about it. Those examples are the only I can remember being really sick while on the road.

Until this week.

I had meetings in Atlanta this past week. I got home Wednesday night and the plan was for a business associate to pick me up Thursday AM and we would have a 3 hour drive to our destination.

The first bad sign was when he called me while on the way to tell me he was sick and was running late because he was making numerous stops along the way.

I started feeling nauseated just thinking I was about to be in an automobile all day with someone who sounded like he had a virus. I tried to get him to turn around but he said he thought he would okay.

By the time he arrived, I was really nauseated and beginning to realize I probably had a virus. Since he seemed sicker than me at the moment, I drove his car. You can only imagine the sight of two fifty something guys in dark business suits driving down the interstate sick as a couple of dogs.

When you are that sick, you try to find stopping places that not only have clean toilet seats but also clean floors in case you have to kneel on the floor. In other words, being a man of experience, I look for motels instead of gas stations.

I tried to walk casually through one hotel lobby. I was wearing sunglasses and a dark blue business suit (buttoned up because I was freezing to death). The clerk was alone at the counter. I walked right by and never looked at her and never said a word. When I returned from the restroom, I stopped and told her I hoped she didn’t mind me using her restroom. She smiled. I told her I would have asked for permission when I came in but I was afraid she would say no.

She smiled again. I think she felt sorry for me.

To make what has become a long story shorter, my business associate got better during the day and I got much worse. Somehow we had our meeting and accomplished what we set out to accomplish. I got home about 7PM, went straight to bed and when I quit shivering my wife took my temperature and it was 101.

Remarkably, I woke up the next morning a little queasy but feeling much better and actually made it to the office.

I guess it was a 24 hour virus. If you are going to have a virus, I guess the 24 hour variety is the one to have.

But I sure would rather be sick at home.

It's Friday Night and It's All Right

Man oh man it’s good to be home on this Friday night. After a busy week, there really is nothing like being home on a Friday night. And the fact that Friday nights are “Taylor” nights at our house, it is even better.

I started off Monday morning finding myself on a plane to Shreveport. Since the planes that fly between Atlanta and Shreveport are too small to use my laptop to work on whatever I need to be working on – my I Touch works just fine to pass the time. I had downloaded a few episodes of a highly recommended TV show. With my earphones in my ear, I didn’t realize I was laughing out loud. The lady sitting next to me tapped me and had to know what was so funny. I plugged her earphones into my I Touch and in just a minute or two she was laughing out loud. The man across the aisle then had to know what was so funny.

You want to make friends in a hurry? Give them something to laugh about.

The nice lady with the sense of humor had a name. She was Sheila from Lexington KY. It turns out her dad is a long time funeral director who retired a few years ago. Imagine that. I mailed Sheila and her dad a book and a CD today. Maybe I will never hear from them again. Or maybe I made me a new friend.

By the way, the funny show we shared was Mabe in America. If you want to laugh out loud, it comes on CMT. Not sure of the day and time, but it will be worth your time to find out.

Tuesday night, after an all day business meeting, a co-worker and I noticed they were having Karaoke in the hotel lobby. We stopped by for a few minutes to watch. We couldn’t help but notice a very cute girl in a red mini skirt who was obviously very proud of her legs. I think they call it booty dancing. I can tell you nobody danced like that when I was coming along. There were more than a few young studs very willing to dance with her. I don’t know where the girl in red slept that night but I have a strong feeling she did not sleep alone.

Thursday night I was back in town and had dinner with a group of business associates at Carabba’s near my office. The Italian food and American fellowship were great. What was not great was the ride home. When I got on the interstate I called my wife and told her I would be home in about 25 minutes. The first cramp hit me while I was talking to her. I then told her I would actually be home in about 15 minutes and to please unlock the door.

Unless you suffer from IBS, you have no idea what I am talking about. The trip home was funny when I was telling the story to a friend today – but it was not funny at all while it was happening last night. For those of you who really care – I did make it. But only by the hair of my chinny chin chin. The thing that bothered me while I was passing a line of cars on Hwy 247 is there have been more times than I want to admit when I didn’t make it.

My wife has seen it all too often. Her very nonchalant comment after I finally said hello was, “That happened to you the last time you ate there.”


The good news is I was over it today. And when I left my office about 5PM today, I took a very leisurely drive home in the pouring rain, walked casually in my house and was greeted by my little grandbaby girl who held out her arms asking her Papa to pick her up.

I can tell you having an adorable grandbaby girl meet you at the door is much better than funny TV shows, meeting new friends on airplanes, booty dancers in red dresses, Italian restaurants and the funny stories that come from a desperate man trying to get home before he ruins a company car… and more importantly the family name.

It’s Friday night and it's all right in the Goddard household.

The New Twenty

The former Carol Wright turned 50 a few days ago. In 50 more short years, she will be 100. Her wish was to go quietly with a simple birthday dinner at home. As her brother in law, I feel strongly that it falls upon me to make it a little louder.

Actually a lot louder.

For the record her name now is Carol Underwood. She doesn’t look old but I can vouch for at least the last 30 or so years when she started dating my brother in law Rudy. Rudy was a Lambda Chi at the University of Georgia. Carol was a ZTA. The ZTA house, full of beautiful girls, was located diagonally across the street from the Lambda Chi House which was full of hormone raged boys. I have already written here that a lot of love relationships began on Milledge Avenue in Athens, GA.

Some of them lasted. Some didn’t.

This one did.

Interestingly Rudy and Carol produced two beautiful girls who are both currently active ZTA’s at UGA. I suppose if Rudy and Carol had a boy he would have been a Lambda Chi.


Courtney and Claire drove over to Atlanta from Athens to celebrate their mom’s half century mark. As you can see Rudy had some Maine Lobster flown it for the special occasion. Actually from the reports I have received, Rudy cooked up quite a meal.

He also married himself quite a gal.

My youngest son wished her a happy birthday a couple of days before the big day. CLICK HERE to hear his birthday wishes to his Aunt Carol. Make sure your volume is on.

And be prepared to laugh.

Happy Birthday Carol. You have now officially been blogged. It couldn't happen to a nicer person. And it couldn't happen at a better time.

Just remember, fifty is the new twenty.

Pray He Will be Gentle

I am not looking forward to sun rising in the morning. While most of you are sipping on your second cup of coffee, I’ll be bent over in a doctor’s office squeezing my ankles. I’m sure I will be thinking of the words of the Star Spangled Banner or the Doxology to divert my attention. Maybe I’ll break out and sing a bar or two. I am certain I won’t be whistling either song though.

I looked the other way when the lady stuck a needle in my vein the other day to do the blood work for this sordid affair. I have a feeling my eyes will be tightly shut when the good doctor massages the ole prostate.

A root canal with no Novocain would be much more pleasant.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I am having my annual physical in the morning. I’m sure the results of my blood work are already sitting on his desk. At my age, you never know what news you will get at such meetings. Just last night I talked to a friend who is my age who has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He is hoping and praying they caught it in time.

So it is a smart thing for me to put myself at the doctor’s mercy. I am fully aware the doctor will be checking all kinds of stuff. But the prostate thing is the memory I will take with me.


Years ago I thought I had an enlarged prostate. I visited Dr. Sams and asked him if he could just give me the medicine he would normally give if he did the exam and found that it was enlarged. He told me I was crazy. I asked him if I needed to pull my pants down. I’ll never forget his reply:

“Unless you’ve got a hole in your pants.”

About the time I got bent over, britches at my ankles, his assistant opened the door and told him he had a phone call.

I turned and looked at her not moving from my very vulnerable position, “You think it would be okay if we have a little privacy in here?”

Hopefully we won't get interrupted in the morning. And hopefully I will be able to drive myself to the office tomorrow after he takes advantage of me.

Just pray he will be gentle.

Good Touch. Bad Touch. I Touch.

Okay I’ll admit it. I am a gadget fool. I'd rather spend an hour in Best Buy than any clothing store I know about. And I think I have passed the obsession down to my offspring. One of my sons got an I-Phone this week. When he called yesterday afternoon I could almost see him smiling through my Blackberry. He even called me a few times last night checking out some of the cool features.

And they are cool.

I know the smile because about a month ago I bought the newest version of the I-Touch for myself. It’s a step down from the I-Phone but many steps up from whatever else is out there. At least his I-Phone is for business. My I-Touch is for fun.

My wife and I spent about 12 hours in an airplane this past week. With the little incredible device in my hand, I watched the movie, The Sting, five episodes of the Dick Van Dyke Show (in High Definition no less), watched several music videos, listened to a lot of great music I had downloaded, listened to about half of a book on audio, play “flick bowl” until I bowled a 179 and even cast my I Touch that becomes a fishing pole into a beautiful make-believe lake and caught a bucket of bass. And I never got out of my seat except to go to the bathroom. I think the I-touch probably has a slot for that but I haven’t found it yet.

My wife finally grabbed it and with the touch of her index finger she watched several episodes of Dick Van Dyke for herself.

Not to worry, I just reached for my electronic Kindle and read that day’s Atlanta Journal I had downloaded at the airport.

And during the layovers at the airport, I used the I-Touch to browse the internet and catch up on emails and update Facebook.

Not very important stuff – but incredible technology.

Since my wife is a schoolteacher I have been familiar with Good Touch - Bad Touch for many years. Now by golly there is I-Touch.

I hope you touch one soon.

Hilarious Video

If this doesn't make you laugh, your laugher is broken.



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Bombshell

I walked in a hotel room last night, turned on the TV and before I could take off my necktie, I watched a news segment on the world’s most successful female recording artist. She has sold over 200 million records worldwide and is worth a cool $400 million.

I have to admit I have not contributed one dollar to her success. I have never attended one of her concerts, never bought her album or CD and don’t even own the tee shirt.

But last night I had to stop and watch when I saw her on the news being her normal vulgar self. She was on the stage at one of her concerts saying some not so nice things about Gov. Sarah Palin. In fact her comments about Sarah Palin would make a sailor blush and the Vatican very angry.

Typical Madonna I suppose. Always enjoying being offensive.

Actually Madonna Ciccone had been the topic of conversation at dinner a few minutes earlier. Madonna grew up in Rochester Hills, Michigan. And so did my long time friend and co-worker with whom I was eating dinner.


Vern and I have been friends a long time. We hit if off quickly because we learned early on we are Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity brothers – he at Michigan State University and me at University of Georgia. We also discovered that years ago we both owned a 64 push button Plymouth. I thought Vern had told me most everything I needed to know.

But last night he made a bombshell of a statement while we were having dinner. It seemed like no big deal to him but I almost dropped the butter dish.

Vern casually told me that he dated Madonna a few times when they were in high school.

For some reason Vern has never bothered to give me that little piece of information. As you might imagine I spent the rest of the evening asking Vern questions about the Material Girl before she was real material.

And I realized I have a friend who is a real celebrity.

I didn’t get his autograph but I did get my picture made with him.

Dressed for the Occasion

Someone who used to be my friend (and relative) sent me this picture last night. But the more I looked at it the more I realized this brutal, heartless, Alabama fan and nephew in law by the name of Russ Eiland was exactly right.

I’ve been to more than a few funerals in my life and that game last Saturday night was just that for the Bulldog Nation. We even went through all the stages of grief I have been so versed in all my life.

Denial, Anger, Depression….. and reluctantly... Acceptance.

"This can’t be happening! No way Alabama is beating our beloved Dawgs like a drum. We really aren’t this bad. The trip to Arizona last week is causing this. This is not the team I’ve been seeing all year."

Classic denial.

"These sorry so and so’s. Richt and Bobo need to be hung up publically by their private parts with elastic strings. How can this team play so sorry on this national stage? Who is responsible for this?" ... as the Bulldog Nation in living rooms throughout the state throw pillows across the room . “Just go to bed before I say something ugly to you," - when an innocent wife asks why you are so mad.

Classic Anger.

"I feel terrible. I don’t want to go to church tomorrow and face my rabid Alabama fan pastor who will I’m sure be wearing a Roll Tide tie or Elephant Suspenders to rub it in. I think I will stay in bed. Or if I decide to go I think I will deduct about 50% from my regular offering. I don’t want to play today."

Classic Depression.

"It’s just a stupid football game. The stock was going to fall almost 800 points on Monday whether we won or not. The better team actually won and there is nothing wrong with that. We’ll get ‘em next year or maybe (less likely) we’ll see them again this year. We’ll focus on Tennessee in a couple of weeks."

Classic Acceptance.

But make no mistake - a Classic Butt Whooping that quickly turned into a funeral.

And we were even dressed for the occasion.

A Bold Prediction

Are you confused yet?

Our economic crisis is driving me nuts. Who in the world do you believe? Who do you trust?

The President of the United States has said if Congress does not act quickly “this sucker will sink.” All of a sudden the Democrats are supporting a version of the President’s bailout plan and the Republican’s are against it.

Go figure.

John McCain has suspended his campaign to head to Washington to fix the problem. Obama wants to debate McCain in Mississippi and McCain says he’s not going until a deal is done.

Whatever happened to Sarah Palin? Or Joe Biden for that matter.

What is the stock market going to do tomorrow or for most of you reading this - what is it doing now? Is it crashing? Are our retirement funds about to go down the tubes?

Is our way of life in jeopardy? Do I need to go to the bank in the morning and pull my money out and put it in a pillow case at home?

I have a lot of questions and not many answers. And I don’t really have a crystal ball as shown here but I will make a bold prediction.

Alabama 41 Georgia 30 in a black out back breaker.