Believe it. It's True.

You never know what a day will bring.  I had no way of knowing I would spend my Friday night in an emergency room watching a medical team frantically trying to save my friend’s life while trying to give some sliver of hope to a sweet and  frantic friend who was about to all of a sudden have her life changed forever and have her title change from wife to widow. 

We bought our place in Great Waters at Lake Oconee in August 2015.  Our very friendly next door neighbors were quick to come over to introduce themselves and welcome us to the community.  Roger, from Barbados and Barbara from New York City  were certainly an unusual match.  And both from completely different cultures from each other and from Kathy and me.  I think that is why we were attracted to them.  Roger, funny as can be in his Barbados dialect,  was always carrying on foolishness and keeping us laughing.   Barbara, being a New Yorker, has spent most of the time trying to interpret what I am saying with my southern dialect and trying her best to keep Roger in line.   Which, by the way, was impossible.  As you might imagine, Roger and I hit it off in a hurry.

To make a long story short, Kathy and I have spent a ton of time with the Beale’s during the last almost four years.  They would come over at the last minute to eat dinner with us and we would do the same at their house next door.   Since they live here full time and we are in and out, they kept an eye out on our place.  Roger watched when packages were delivered and put them in the house.  We have been out to eat together no telling how many times at the last minute.   Never anything planned.  It was just, “we’re going to get something to eat - do y’all want to go?,” sort of thing.  They always said yes and were always up for wherever we were going,  There have been lots of laughs and lots of conversations.

 I think everyone that has visited us here has met Roger and Barbara.  

Roger, an avid golfer and a good one, was very active.  He walked religiously and hit over 100 golf balls a day at the practice range across the street from us.  He also delivered cars from time to time for Childre Nissan in Milledgeville. He would get a call late one afternoon and be headed to Orlando or Nashville or who knows where  at 5AM the next morning to deliver a car.   He was available if they needed him.  They seemed to need him quite often.

Roger has not been feeling well lately.  About 2 months ago, he came down with what we believe was the flu.   That was the first time I had ever seen him sick and moving slowly.  They had been planning for months to go to Barbados to visit family and friends and for Roger to play in a golf tournament in Trinidad.   With him so sick, I was wondering if they would be able to make the trip.   A couple of days before their scheduled departure and about three weeks after getting the flu,  Roger was feeling somewhat better and went out to hit balls.  He told me he swung the club only a couple of times and realized he couldn’t swing the club.  He felt like something cracked in his chest.   I figured he probably pulled a muscle after being sick and coughing so much.

In spite of all that, they left for their three week visit to Barbados. Since they had a very early flight, they stayed at an airport hotel the night before they were leaving.  He started having excruciating pain in his chest and lower back.  He sat in a chair all night in the hotel room because he hurt too badly to lie down.   They somehow made it to Barbados the next day and spent the next three weeks there. He visited doctors there and even had a massage trying to get relief.   Roger was disappointed he could not play golf but he was very happy to visit all the familiar faces in his beloved homeland.   The trip back to Atlanta turned out to be worse than their trip home.   Barbara had to get a wheelchair to get him through the airports. I can tell you Roger had never been in a wheelchair in his life.  He didn’t like it but he had no choice.

I visited Roger after they got back and before I left for a business trip earlier this week.   He was still carrying on, laughing and trying to make the most out of his situation. He still could not lie in the bed.  He was sitting on the sofa with pillows and a blanket.   He had been to a doctor here and they had taken X-Rays to try to determine what was going on but it was obvious he was struggling.  When I got back Friday afternoon (yesterday as I type this), I walked over to check on him.  He was still sitting in the same place with the same pillows and blankets.  After our normal non-serious and very light  conversation, he said the thought he was a little better.  He had gingerly walked over next door to get in the Jacuzzi a couple of days before.  He said he thought it helped and he was going to try it again in a few minutes.  

‘

Kathy had a list of things she wanted me to pick up at the grocery store, so I left shortly afterwards to do that.  While I was walking around Publix pushing my buggy, Kathy called me and told me to get back as quickly as possible because Roger had collapsed.  I left my buggy in the store and took off.  As I drove up, I saw the fire truck and the ambulance in front of the club house.  I walked up to the ambulance and saw them doing CPR on Roger.  Roger and Barbara had gone together to the Jacuzzi and spent less than fifteen minutes there.  They had a great conversation.  The last thing Roger told his wife as they were talking in the Jacuzzi was how beautiful she looked.   As they were walking back to their house which is at most a five minute walk,  he collapsed.

I have been in the “death business” my entire life.  Stories like this play out over and over. Dealing with it never gets easier.   The stories are different but in many ways they are all the same.  A human being is here one moment and the next moment he is gone and  those that are left are trying to get their breath and wondering what in the world happened.  And how to even begin to pick up the pieces.

I had to make a few very difficult calls last night.  One was to a daughter in Canada.  Another to a son in Barbados and a best friend who was like a brother.  Life changing conversations.

'We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand.  Yesterday’s gone.  And tomorrow may never come. But we have this moment today.”  Gloria Gaither

Believe it.  

It’s true.