Friday, May 04, 2007

Impatient Uncle in Law

I called this very special young lady to wish her Happy Birthday today. And she is absolutely gorgeous and full of personality…. and even gainfully employed.

I told her I loved her. And she told me she loved me. And I do. And she does. And we do.

I am her uncle in law. And she is my niece in law. And I certainly do not have her permission to write this blog about her. I have never read the blog rule book anyway. Yep I called her today. And I fully realize she may call me tomorrow when she reads this. But sometimes you just have to walk out on a limb.

Since I am her uncle in law and I have known her since she was knee high to a love bug, I qualify to tell you a little about her.

She is a graduate of an SEC University. I cannot mention the name of the school here because it would be against my religion and it gives me indigestion but their colors do include a lot of orange. She lives in Nashville. Nashville is located in the same state of the SEC University I mentioned but I cannot give you any more clues about her school.

Her father is a doctor. Not the kind that shines a light in your ears and puts a stick on your tongue to look in your throat but he holds a Doctorate in Divinity. Not the kind of divinity that is hard to cook when it is raining but divinity as in Divine as in God.

Her mother is a minister’s wife who cannot wait to have grandchildren. And she would make someone in blog world a wonderful mother in law.

Okay I said it. You are getting the drift. There are a lot of thirty something guys reading this whose mouths just dropped open. This girl is not married. You read it right. Never has been married. She has just been patiently lollygagging through life waiting on Mr. Right to show up on his white horse.

Absolutely without her permission, I’m wondering if there are some qualified guys out there who own a white horse and knows the difference between left and right. Remember she is looking for Mr. Right.

There are some qualifications by the way. Not her qualifications but mine.

All appliants should be gainfully employed. A little money in the bank wouldn’t hurt. It would be good if the applicant did not graduate from the same university because I’m afraid their children wouldn’t turn out right. Applicants must be polite - which means they should not scratch in public. Applicants must be good looking and strikingly handsome. If applicant doesn’t meet those requirements you would definitely be unequally yoked. Applicants must know how to treat a lady like a queen 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. She would never have to open a door again for the rest of her life. Applicant should be God fearing and church going and free of earrings and piercings. If applicant is not God fearing and church going he will feel really uneasy eating at the table with the doctor I mentioned above. Applicant should not be a drug user. That includes Viagra. She does not need over the hill guys who are heading to the nursing home. She needs a guy on top of the hill who is ready to taking living to the next level.

If you are interested you can set up an electronic screening with me by emailing me at If you are brave enough you can even make a comment on this blog. Either way my screening is only phase I. Phase II is the most important. That’s the phase where you have to pay a visit to the doctor mentioned above.

One thing is for sure. This gorgeous lady is a jewel. And like I said, she is patiently waiting for Mr. Right.

But I’m not so patient.

And I'm waiting to hear from a few good men.


Anonymous said...

I'm ready for Phase I. She's hot. Sign me up!

Anonymous said...

Bruce, if you are serious I want an application.

Anonymous said...

I can vouch for all above said comments on niece in law as totally and undeniably true, people. She's for real! As for comments on her aforementioned SEC school, and as her sorority Big Sister at that school, I beg to argue, Uncle Bruce ~ Go VOLS!