This Butt Rub is Special

My wife and I made a quick trip to the National Fair on Saturday night. I think we are planning on going back this weekend with some friends but we decided on the spur of the moment to ride out and check out what I call the “gadget room.” They always have a large commercial exhibit hall where all these vendors are set up selling their stuff that you don’t usually see in stores. Stuff like blue ointment that is supposed to immediately stop the pain wherever you rub it. Or a steam iron that instantly removes all the wrinkles and you never have to touch the iron on the clothes. Or a $150 dollar arch support thingy for your shoe that will stop all your foot pain.

That stuff never works but I usually buy at least one such item every year. I think it’s the sales presentations that get me. But after a year I forget that whatever I bought the year before fell way short of the promises they made. So, against my wife’s advice, I usually buy something else.

But I also like to go to the fair because of all the people there. We always run into folks we know. And at a fair where people are leisurely walking around eating corn dogs and candy apples, people have time to stop and visit.

With that said, we ran into a pastor friend and his wife Saturday night as we were strolling along the midway. Actually I have not known him long but I spoke at a function at his church recently so we quickly recognized each other. We introduced our wives and he immediately said he wanted to tell me a true story that he thought I could use. By the way, after 99.9% of all my speaking engagements people come up to me and tell me a story they “think I can use.” And 99.9% of the time I listen and laugh and pretend I have never heard it. I think I have heard every funeral joke that has ever been told. But this story really made me smile. And I have smiled several times since thinking about it.

He told me he and his wife had gone to a church members house for a gathering of church leaders and their spouses. He said the host had grilled for his guests and everyone was commenting on how delicious the meat was and how well it was seasoned. After the party was over and people were leaving he and his wife were walking out the door with another couple. His friend (and church member) turned to the female host and thanked her for the butt rub.

The pastor and his wife almost fainted. The man’s wife couldn’t believe he made such a comment. The man quickly pulled out a jar of seasoning the host wife gave him.

For all you single folks out there, maybe you should get you a few jars of this stuff and carry it with you wherever you gather to mingle with the opposite sex. What a great line!

“Would you like a little butt rub?”

If they respond with, “Sure, your place or mine?”, you may have just met you a new friend. If they slap you, just reach in your pocket or purse and hand them a jar of this special seasoning.

But a word of warning: I would not try this at home. It won’t work. And you definitely should not try this at work. You could find yourself looking for another job.

This butt rub is special and for social occasions only.