Thanks Smoltzie

(Gadsden, AL) I visited the doctor last week. My wife got me the appointment. Whenever I have to fill out those little forms and they ask who my doctor is, I always write in Dr. Whatley. He’s been retired for at least 10 years but he’s the only doctor I ever had. So I guess she did the right thing.

I showed up at the appointed time. The doctor asked me a few questions and before I could give him my social security number he had given me the finger. Lord have mercy. If we can send a man to the moon surely someone could figure out a better way to check whatever they are checking when they do that. At least he could have dimmed the lights and put on some soft music.

He went over all the CBC’s and HDL’s and PSA’s and all the other results of my blood work. Then he pulled out a little handheld device and began entering some data. In just a few seconds, he calmly explained to me that I had a 13% chance of having a heart attack. I had just driven through Atlanta and I figured I probably had a 50% chance of getting run over on the interstate so the 13% sounded pretty good to me. He did tell me I could reduce that percent if I exercised regularly.

That night I was watching the Braves game and John Smoltz came up to bat and I noticed he had a .147 batting average. I quickly realized that his chance of getting a hit was about the same as my chance for having a heart attack. Smoltz promptly drilled a hit down the right field line.

James D. Martin of Alabama was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives in 1964. He ran for governor in 1966 but was defeated by Lurleen Wallace. He had a Wildlife Park named after him. How do I know that? I read the sign when I walked for 45 minutes in the James D. Martin Wildlife Park tonight. It’s located behind the mall that is across the highway from the Hampton Inn where I’m staying tonight.

That’s five nights of walking in a row. I don’t know if I’ve moved to 12% yet but I did learn a little about a former politician from Alabama tonight.

And it has also dawned on me that the view from a hearse is probably much better if you are not the passenger in the back.

Thanks Smoltzie. I definitely owe you.