Is This Urine?

Russell Montgomery made his living being one of the best farmers around. He was also very civic minded. Russell and his wife decided to take an Emergency Medical Technician course in order to become a volunteer on the ambulance service. Their son joined them.

After a series of very tough farming years, Russell sold his farm. He and his wife and son went on to become Paramedics and went full time in the ambulance business.

It was my privilege to work with this family on the ambulance when they were first getting started as volunteers. We spent a lot of time together in the middle of some very serious situations. As I have said so many times before, some of the funniest things happen during the most serious situations.

I guess I should tell you about the time I got a call that Curly B. Peoples was having a heart attack. I called Russell to meet me at the ambulance so we could go check on him. Curly and Louise Peoples lived in a little shack on the Payne farm on the outskirts of Reynolds. When we walked in the little house there was very little light. In fact there was only one light bulb on in the ceiling of the little house. It happened to be yellow.

When I walked up to Curly B’s bed, I didn’t think he was having a heart attack. He looked like he had the flu to me. As I stood beside the bed, I accidentally kicked what looked like a lard bucket that was sitting on the floor. I shined my little EMT flashlight in the bucket. I was trying to see if Curly had been throwing up or if he was using the lard bucket for a toilet.

I asked Louise, “Is this urine?”

“No sir, she answered. It’s hisun.”

For those of you north of the Mason-Dixon who don’t understand, send me an email and I will try to explain.

The other experience that comes to my mind was the night Russell and I were taking some training in a Columbus, Ga hospital.

We were working in the emergency room. Russell and I were busy taking vitals signs of patients who came to the emergency room that night for treatment. That is we were counting pulses, respiration and measuring blood pressure. The doctor would come in, look at our vitals we had written down, check the patient and write his orders. The nurse would then come in and give the medicine the doctor ordered.

At one point that night, Russell was checking the vitals of a middle age man who had hurt his arm playing tennis. I was at the next table taking the rectal temperature of a screaming baby. There was a curtain that was not closed completely that separated the two examining tables. In other words, the patients could not see each other but Russell and I could.

There was a small adjustable table on wheels located between the two examining tables that Russell and I were sharing. I pulled the very greased rectal thermometer out, checked the reading and placed it on a tissue on the little table that was between us. I turned back around to get the diaper back on the baby and then turned immediately back around and noticed the thermometer I had just placed on the little table was gone. I looked up at Russell’s patient just in time to see Russell place the thermometer in the man’s mouth.

I looked on the other side of a Kleenex box that was on that little table and saw another thermometer.

As I saw the expression on the man’s face at the taste of the thermometer, I quickly realized that Russell had grabbed the wrong thermometer.

Russell didn't believe me at first. I told him to check his patient's thermomoter to see if he had 103 degree fever.

After explaining to the startled Russell what had happened, I explained to Russell’s patient that if he tasted a little twang it was because of the new type of alcohol we were using to sterilize the thermometer.

You cannot tell in the photo, but Russell had a completely bald head. That bald head turned beat red later that night as Russell laughed. I don’t think I have ever seen someone laugh so hard.

It was one of those moments in life that still causes me to laugh when I think of it.

Several years later, Russell was in the back of an ambulance with a patient when the ambulance they were riding was involved in an accident. Russell was never able to work again after that. After a couple of years of pain and suffering, Russell died in a Gainesville FL hospital after surgery.

His death was very painful to all who knew and loved him.

But the times we shared still cause me to smile.