I Got Some Oceanfront Property in Arizona

When you have been married to the same woman for almost 34 years, you run out of ideas for unique birthday gifts.

Through an email advertisement a few weeks ago, I saw that the King and Queen of Country would be doing a concert in Jacksonville on my wife’s birthday weekend. I bought four tickets.

On the spot. Before I got up from my chair.

Although we had never been to a country concert I thought it would be a blast. We invited a couple to go with us, who happened to be the pastor of our church and his wife. He immediately accepted my invitation.

On the spot. Before he got up from his chair.

I was impressed that my pastor was wearing an authentic cowboy hat when we picked them up Thursday night and headed out to Jacksonville. I love “men of the cloth” who are not afraid to have a little fun.

When we arrived a little early at the arena in Jacksonville, a large crowd was lined up waiting for the doors to open. When we finally got in the arena, we quickly found ourselves in another line to purchase some memorabilia in the form of tee shirts or caps or whatever one buys at such events.

I struck up a conversation with a young lady standing next to me in line who came to the concert alone. Nicole told me she was a HUGE Reba fan and this was her 10th time seeing her in concert. She loves King George as well, but she actually got to meet Reba a few years ago backstage. Nicole said she literally passed out when she walked out the door after meeting Reba. Nicole said her husband opted out of this concert. He is not into country music at all. Not sure if he is aware, but his wife IS into country music. Big time. If I were a marriage counselor, I would suggest he join his wife next time the King and Queen of Country come to town.

Just sayin'.

To the say the crowd went crazy when Reba came on the stage would be an understatement. Everybody seem to know every word to every song.

When you have won 7 Top Female Vocalist Awards from the Academy of Country Music and 12 Favorite Country Female Artist awards and have 35 Number 1 Singles, people tend to know the lyrics of the songs you sing. None got the crowd going anymore than the lyrics of this song, “Tell Me Why I Haven’t Heard From You.”

Well back in 1876 an ol' boy named Bell
Invented a contraption that we know so well
By the 1950's they're in everybodys home
it's a crazy little thing they call a telephone
Now there's one in every corner, in the back of every bar
You can get one in your
briefcase, on a plane or in your car.
So tell me why, haven't I, heard from you
Tell me why, haven't I, heard from you
I said now darlin', honey, what is your excuse
Why haven't I heard from you.

I couldn't help but wonder if Nicole's husband would be singing that song to his wife in the not too distant future.

George Strait and the "Ace in the Hole" band came out sometime after 9:30PM with a completely different show. Different band. Different style. Actually there were three different bands performing. Leanne Womack open the show, then Reba, then King George.

King George also rocked the house. Here is a singing cowboy that has amassed 57 Number 1 hits. And they knew the lyrics to his songs too.

During one particular love song, a young couple sitting a few rows in front of us immediately stood up and embraced and caressed each other. They never let go until the song was over. Then they sat back down quietly and were not even holding hands. I’m not sure if that was the song they had sung at their wedding or it was playing when they first consummated their relationship - but one thing is for sure. It was their song.

We watched the crowd as much as the professional entertainers.

It was close to midnight when we finally got in the car. We all agreed we did not enjoy the concert at all. The entertainment was lousy and overall, it was a rather boring evening.

And now if you'll buy that...

I got some ocean front property in Arizona. From my front porch you can see the sea. I got some ocean front property in Arizona. If you'll buy that, I'll throw the golden gate in free.

At Last I See the Light

“At last I see the light. And it’s like the fog has lifted.”

I thought it happened when we became parents but I now realize I was too busy trying to make a living and rushing around juggling all the balls young parents do.

“All those years chasing down a daydream. All those years living in a blur.”

The world begins to look much different when seen from the eyes of folks like me who have less years ahead of them than behind them. There is a place in life when the dream chasing slows down and the world, from your perspective, somehow shifts.

And it’s a good thing.

The baton is passed. Your children become the parents you were in what seems like only a short time ago.

Birthday parties for little grand baby girls make a Papa think... and smile.. and feel good inside... and make videos so the special moments can be visited again and again.

This one is for all the Papa’s and Meme’s out there.

And for our little Tangled princess we call Taylor who is now 4 years old.

Taylor's 4th Birthday from Bruce Goddard on Vimeo.

Wearing the Wrong Shoes

You have to understand, I pack a bag almost every week of my life. I pack quickly and lightly and since I’ve had so much practice, I thought I was fairly good at it.

Until this weekend.

I wanted to attend the funeral of a friend and colleague in Rome GA on Saturday. Since we have family in Rome, my wife joined me on the trip and we decided to make a weekend out of it.

I happened to look in my duffle bag late Friday night after arriving in Rome and before going to bed and for some reason pulled out my shoes I was planning to wear the next day. I quickly realized I was not a very good packer after all.

My shoes didn’t exactly match each other. And they both were made for the right foot. I was fortunate I noticed this on the night before the 2PM funeral the next day.

I had a dilemma. It was not a life changing dilemma nor was it was one of life and death consequences. In the big scheme of things, it was a small dilemma.

But I had to make a decision.

I thought finding a pair of #14 shoes to purchase Saturday morning in Rome would be next to impossible. Nobody ever has my size. I usually have to order my shoes, for goodness sakes. My wife suggested for me to wear my casual brown loafers with my dark business suit.

No way was I going to do that.

I actually thought seriously about wearing the two right footed shoes that were both black and didn’t match to the funeral. Who would notice my shoes anyway?

I tried them on and walked a few steps.

Those few “practice” steps were as awkward steps as I have ever taken. It was uncomfortable to me and would be completely uncomfortable to anyone who would see me.

My wheels were turning when I got in bed.

I was wondering how many people are walking through life wearing the wrong shoes - as in not using their God given gifts to do what He created them to do.

I am convinced we are all created for a purpose and have been gifted in different ways. When we don’t develop and use those gifts - our walk through life is very awkward for us and just as awkward to those in our life.

Like wearing shoes that don’t match and a right footed shoe on the left foot.

But when we figure out those gifts, allow them to be developed and begin to use them for the good of others, our walk through life is normal and comfortable.

As comfortable as wearing a left shoe and right shoe that fit and match.

It is very important then, that we identify and develop our God given gifts and do everything in our power to help others in our life to do the same.

By the way, I found a shoe store Saturday morning. Incredibly, they had two pairs of #14 black dress shoes. They were not pretty but I bought a pair and wore them to the funeral. I plan on leaving them in the box in the trunk of my car just in case I ever do that again.

Thankfully I found another pair of shoes when I got home tonight that matched exactly the mismatched shoes I packed in my bag.

Silver Lining

In 2007, I wrote an article here entitled “To Everything There is a Season.” I was in Nashville when I wrote the article and I remember it as being one of those very difficult days that life as a way of bringing us.

My wife’s mom spent her first night in an Assisted Living Facility that night. We knew we were beginning a journey but we had no way of knowing what was ahead of us or what we would experience as we walked down this path.

And we had no idea of the people we would meet along the way.

It would be an understatement to say in the past three years and four months our family has experienced a lot. After spending over two years in the assisted living facility, her children had to make another difficult decision. She had to be moved to a nursing home facility where she could get more individual care.

Alzheimer’s is a devastating disease. And the pain of the heart watching someone you love suffering from that disease is an agonizing pain.

But the clouds of life not only usher in rain and storm but they also can add color to our sky. Every cloud has its silver lining.

When my wife and I were visiting her mom tonight, the silver lining was in plain view to us in the form of Doris Barrett. Folks who extend loving care to Alzheimer’s patients are very special folks. And they are really special when the patient they are caring for is your mother or mother in law or grandmother or sister. Our facility has more than a few special folks on their payroll and you get to know them when you are in and out so often.

Doris never had the opportunity to finish high school. She promised herself early on that her four children would be educated.

All four of her children received college degrees.

I should tell you that Doris has worked two jobs since 1977 to help make that happen. Her current schedule calls for her to begin at 6AM at another facility. She gets off at 2PM. She begins at our facility at 3PM and gets off at 11PM.

That doesn't leave a lot of television time for Doris.

I should also tell you she has worked at the same two facilities for those 34 years.

Doris’ oldest daughter died suddenly a few years ago of a massive stroke. She was 41 years old. Doris has experienced the pain of the loss of child to which some of you reading this can relate.

I can’t.

But what I can relate to is that somehow in the scheme of things, God saw fit to allow this incredible human being to be one of our caregivers.

By the way, when she cares for our loved one - she cares for us.

In the midst of all the clouds, she has added color to our sky. And she has added color to my mother in law’s sky.

Thank God for the silver lining.

Marching Orders

There are so many stories. And so many memories.

He was an entrepreneur and could do most anything. He worked hard and worked long hours and did whatever it took to provide for this family. In a very small town, he ran small businesses and put all four of his children through college. He would see that as one of his greatest accomplishments.

He loved God and was involved in and supported his local church. He was civic minded and loved his town as much as anyone who ever lived there.

He was a giver. He gave of his God-given gifts and talents. He gave to those in need. He invested his life in his family and his children were well equipped to be successful in life.

When he was a young man and a certain fellow was suspected of stealing a garden hoe from the store, he gladly took matters in his own hands. Back in those days everyone didn’t call the police when a crime was committed. This “much of a man” young man found the thief later that day walking in the city park. I’m not sure how hard he hit the thief between the eyes but I do know the man doing the hitting was missing one little round knob known as a “knuckle” on his right hand the rest of his life. I also know he got the garden hoe back.

There are several memories at the beach, at his wife’s objection, of him teaching his sons and son’s friend to play poker. The game was “strip poker.” The boys didn’t know he was dealing off the bottom of the deck. The boys learned in the long run how to play poker that would make them a little money later in life. They learned in the short run what it was like to be buck naked by the end of the game while the dealer had not taken as much as a shoe off.

When he was with friends at the Kiwanis Convention in NYC and realized Lyndon Johnson was at whatever event they were attending, he made his way (with friends in tow) through the crowd to meet the well known public servant. He was telling folks as they worked their way through the crowd that he was with the secret service. The crowd moved out of his way. He came back with a personal autograph of the sitting Vice President of the United States.

He did not keep it a secret when he found out he had to give himself an enema the night before a scheduled medical procedure. All the neighbors brought such things as garden hoses and large jars of Vasoline to the house the night before. It was the first “Enema Party” I ever heard about. I have never heard of such a party since.

I can still see him as the very large bride with big feet dressed in drag in the local Womanless Wedding pageants held to raise money for local charities. There was one “groom” who was much smaller and thinner and could not handle a poke in the ribs. When this ‘groom’ got poked he would jump and scream. He poked him all the way down the aisle in the make believe wedding. Everyone thought the “groom” was acting. He wasn’t. And everybody howled.

I can see him filling out fishing licenses for fisherman who didn’t have a good command of the English language who were purchasing their license at the store. He would always ask them in completing the application, “Where is your domicile?” And I remember the funny expressions on their faces.

I remember one Friday noon when he was in charge of the local Kiwanis program. HIs wife’s cousin from Florida, dressed in a business suit, was sitting at the head table with him. Everyone assumed his guest would be the program and at the appropriate time, he actually began introducing him as the guest speaker. What the Kiwanians did not know was the real program was the man who was dressed in coveralls working on the gas heater in the back of the room. In fact, the “heater repairman” was beating on the heater so loud that nobody could hear the “program” introduction. Some of the concerned Kiwanians got up from their seat to stop the rude repairman - only to find out it was a set up. The “repairman” was actually a casket salesman who was there to present the program. When the salesman finally got to the podium in his coveralls, the prepared speech was nothing more than one joke after another. Maybe the best Kiwanis luncheon ever.

...unless it was the day the Methodist preacher had the program which consisted of a slide show presentation of his recent trip to the Holy land. What the preacher did not know was a few of his Holy land slides had been replaced by slides of “scantily clad” women. That may have been the best Kiwanis program ever. The good-natured preacher accused him of the prank -although I think the slides belonged to another local prankster.

He was always kissing and hugging all the ladies in town until the day he patted (who he thought was the local preacher’s wife) a lady on the fanny as she was leaning over the frozen food counter. “ I am so sorry, I thought you were the preacher’s wife” should have been inscribed on his grave marker. It was the most classic quote that ever came out his mouth when the startled stranger jumped up and turned around to see who in the world had “patted” her on the butt.

.... actually maybe his most classic quote was when the lady was standing in front of his meat market with a chicken fryer held to her nose. Him: “Frances, what in the world are you doing? The Lady smelling the wrong end of a chicken: “I’m checking to be sure this chicken is fresh!!” He started to walk away and then stopped in his tracks and turned around and replied, “Frances, do you think you could pass that test?”

Maybe the quote about the preacher’s wife would have been more appropriate for his grave marker.

I also remember his words to his youngest son when he was heading to college for the first time a few weeks before the son turned 18, over 38 years ago. (The dad is pictured here later in life with John, his fourth grandson). As the mother was giving other more spiritual advice, his advice was much simpler and to the point.

“Give ‘em hell, son.”

He was not trying to be rude and meant nothing disrespectful. But believe me, the son heard what he was saying very loud and clear. He was giving him marching orders. He wanted him to go out in the world and take what he had learned living under his roof and do whatever it took to be a winner in this life and to make a difference in his world. And he wanted him to have fun doing it.

He was my dad. And I was his youngest son. I was very blessed to have Ed Goddard in my life for the first almost 40 years of my life. I have also been blessed to have all the memories the last 17 years since his death.

He died 17 years ago today, by the way. And I can still hear his marching orders.

I hear them every day of my life.

Mama Nell and the Local Church

I went home today - as in Reynolds, Georgia home.

Sometimes I have the opportunity to attend funerals of folks I have known all my life. Many times it is impossible because of my travel or other commitments. Today was a possibility. And like a magnet, I was drawn to the 11AM funeral service of Mrs. Nell Wainwright held at the Reynolds United Methodist Church.

To be sure, I have attended a ton of funerals at the Reynolds Methodist Church. In fact I grew up in that church and I attended a ton of other services there. I haven’t been there in a while and I can tell you when I walked in this morning, I was almost stunned by its beauty. And I was flooded with memories.

I was also listening to every word said today celebrating the life of a very dear lady who was loved by..... everyone.

Mama Nell was the matriarch of a very prominent farming family in Reynolds. Her husband, Walter, started from humble beginnings and made something of himself. As my lifelong friend Chuck Byrd said so well today in the eulogy, his success was because of two words.

Hard work.

Walter and Mama Nell raised children - who raised more children - who made something of themselves. And they utilized those same two words in doing it.

Hard work.

Not only did the Wainwrights make something of themselves, but their peach operation had (and still has) a huge financial impact on the county. As I was reminded today, I can remember many a day when I was a kid, peach workers paying for their groceries at our store with dimes.. or quarters.. or whatever the workers were paid for picking a basket of peaches at the time.

So not only did they make a living for themselves, the Wainwrights also contributed in a big way to other folks, including my family, making a living in our community.

But as the Wainwright children (and later the grandchildren) were doing great stuff like “working hard” and having great impact on our county, Mama Nell was the equalizer.

She was the glue that held the entire enterprise together. I have a feeling her prayers over the years for her family had as much to do with their success as those two words on which they built their business.

The minister today spoke of Mama Nell’s love for the church and specifically, the Reynolds United Methodist Church.

He went on to talk about the importance of the local church in a community. And the importance of supporting it - as Mama Nell did.

It hit me that just as Mama Nell was to her family, the local church is the equalizer in a community. It is a place that allows us the opportunity to take our focus off our selves and our pursuit of temporal success to focus on the really important stuff.

I couldn’t help but wonder today what the little town of Reynolds would have been like if those two churches that sit in the park never had folks like Mama Nell's consistent support and were never in business and never in a position to influence the community.

And I am quite certain the Wainwright family has wondered where they would be if not for the influence of Mama Nell.

Alive and Well but Lost the Accent

Several months ago I was traveling in Maine and came upon an article about a Goddard being the founder of a local funeral home in Rumford, ME. It got my attention and I was reminded that my family came to Georgia in the early 1800’s from Massachusetts.

It took us a little over 200 years, but we've pretty much lost the New England accent.

I know my folks came from there because my great great grandfather is buried in Rose Hill Cemetery in Macon, GA. The city of Macon erected a monument to memorialize James Goddard long before his son moved to Reynolds to start a business. He was a local Macon merchant and river boat captain and the fact that he was from Athol MA is inscribed on that monument. I’ve seen it many times.

Anyway I discovered I was only a couple of hundred miles away from Athol when I was in Rumford and I knew I would be much closer than that when I visited New Hampshire in the then near future.

So a few months later in August, and after I had done a little genealogical research, I stayed an extra day in New England to search for my roots. My co-worker dropped me off at Logan International Airport in Boston and I rented a car and headed out through the tunnels of Boston.

I’ll have to admit there was at least a couple of moments I wondered what in the heck I was doing. I was in rush hour traffic and pouring down rain by myself driving through and out of Boston. I had invited my two brothers to meet me there but they came up with pretty good excuses as to why they could not join me.

But I am a hard-headed guy and I wanted to see where I came from.

Athol is located about 85 miles west of Boston. I found a hotel for the night somewhere on the outskirts of Boston and struck out for Athol the next morning.

Not only did I visit the beautiful city of Athol, but I also visited with some local folks. I was not surprised that the Goddard name is rather common there. It was a surreal experience walking around the city of Athol and knowing my ancestors grew up and made a living there many years ago before moving to Georgia.

That evening , I drove back toward Boston to Cambridge MA and checked in another hotel. I had a noon flight out of Boston so I went to bed knowing I needed to find “The Old Burying Ground” at Harvard University rather quickly the next morning. I knew from my research that my first ancestors born in the United States were buried there.

The next morning, I found the old cemetery. I walked around in the cemetery for at least an hour. Being an undertaker that has had to find a few graves before, I knew if they were buried at that cemetery, there was a fighting chance I would find the grave.

But I almost gave up. The markers were hard to read. I felt positive that Benjamin and Mary Goddard were buried there because I had seen it in my genealogical research. At least I gave it a shot.

I was about to leave and decided to look at one more section. Incredibly I saw the name Goddard on a marker... and another Goddard.

And then I saw the graves I had come to see. My great, great, great, great, great, great grandparents.

I am quite sure I am the only Goddard to come from Georgia to visit Athol. And I am also positive I am the only Goddard from Georgia to visit our ancestor’s graves at the Old Burying Ground in Cambridge.

But I found the graves. And I even said a few things to them. I know they couldn’t hear me but I could hear me. I told them how thankful I am that their parents chose to come to America.

And though at least some of us have lost the accent, their descendants are still alive and well.

Below is a 6 minute video I put together of my findings. I produced this video for my siblings and our kids and for kids to come.

But if you want to watch, you sure can.

Athol Mass from Bruce Goddard on Vimeo.

Tweets and Updates - Top 25 in 2010

2010 for me will always be remembered as the year of social media. Facebook and Twitter became a way of life for me in 2010. I have an Ipad, an I Phone 4, Blackberry, IPad, Macbook Air, I Mac and a PC.

I am always connected to cyberspace. It only takes a minute to pull a device out of my pocket and check the latest tweets from my “short list” or the latest updates from my Facebook friends.

Never have I been more in touch with people in my life, past and present, as I was in 2010. Birthdays have taken on a new meaning. A birthday on Facebook is a happening. You get “wall posts” wishing you birthday happiness from folks you haven’t thought about in a while. But you also get to give birthday wishes to people you care about. No way would that happen in this big way in the pre-social medial days.

By the way, if you are not on Facebook you are behind the times and sliding down the slippery slope to be out of touch completely. Once upon a time, there were people who saw no need for electricity. There are over 500 Million active users of Facebook, which was just launched in 2004. That equates to 161% of the entire population of the United States.

Twitter, although a long way from being as large as Facebook, is growing at a rate of 6.2 million users per month or 2 or 3 users per second.

US Postal mail took a backseat to email several years ago. Email has now taken a backseat to social media. Folks on FB and Twitter rarely send personal emails anymore. Real time correspondence is a way of life now.

A month or so ago, my brother and his wife were rear-ended one evening while waiting to turn in their subdivision. Jaye, my sister in law, called her son Mitch on her cell phone a minute or two after they were hit. Mitch “tweeted” that his dad and mom had been in an accident and he was headed to the scene. I saw the tweet and called my brother to see if they were okay. I called him within a few minutes of the accident and I was 100 miles away.

His first comment was, “How in the world did you know this happened?” My answer was simple. The power of social media.

During news breaking events, I turn to Twitter to get real-time insight into what is really going on. Just go to the "Trending Topic" and you hear what everybody is saying about whatever is is going on. And most of the time the news you get is better and faster that the major news outlets.

Social media is definitely powerful. But it is also a lot of fun.

To that end, I thought I would share some of my favorite “tweets” and “status updates” from 2010. Actually the list is from two people. And the tweets and updates come from only the last three months of 2010.

Debi Nagy is a school administrator in Butler, GA , a Facebook friend and a real life friend. Her updates always make me smile and most of the time laugh out loud. (LOL for you non users).

Mitch Goddard is my nephew. Although he is on Facebook as well, the twits he tweets for all his tweeps to enjoy are incredible. He is, what I would call, a master tweeter.

So here it is.

My list of the top 25 updates and top 25 tweets from two of my favorite media socialites - from the last 3 months of 2010.

Enjoy!


Debi’s FB Status Updates (Top 25)

25. The bad news...Pretty sure I broke my toe while shopping in Birmingham this afternoon. The good news...Had a great day of shopping with my sister-in law, Fran. Loved ANTHROPOLOGIE. The good news...Bought another pair of boots - The bad news...Left foot is too sore to put them on. The good news...Bought 2 more Christmas presents today. The bad news...spent way too much money. The good news... I have a job.

24. Thought of the day: Just because you're alone in your car does not mean others can't see you picking your nose.

23. A good reason for liking winter...the shoppers at Walmart are covering up more of their bare flesh at this time of year.

22. Dear Santa,

 Stop watching me!!!

21. Dear Santa,

Let's just say mistakes were made...

20. Dear Santa,

You have no proof.

19. Today's weight loss tip: Use generous amount of Superglue as lip gloss.

18. Today I am officially considered to be brunette. See what happens when I get time on my hands?

17. The difference between a fact and an opinion is quite simple. An opinion is what you think, a fact is what I think.

16. I am thankful for my home, my husband, my two wonderful sons, my job, my clothes, and for my 8:30 appointment at the hair salon tomorrow.

15. Did you ever have a day when you just could not stop eating? Well I have three of those days in a row.

14. Today's thought: You know you're getting older when "Happy Hour" is a nap.

13. Today's wisdom...We start in Diapers we end in Diapers... Try not to get too hung up on the crap in the middle...

12. Sometimes the problem is your underwear.

11. Ever notice how many people you meet in a day are either over-medicated or under-medicated? haha

10. The bad thing about staying up late is that I need 4 meals per day instead of only 3. Off to the kitchen....

9.. will never get down to her original weight--I mean 6 pounds 2 oz. just isn't realistic!

8. Home from class. Same poop. Different diaper.

7. Today's cooking tip: Don't cook bacon naked.

6. The best part about Halloween is that people think the screams coming from our house are "part of the fun."

5. Put on your Mr. Rogers sweater, because it's going to be a wonderful day in the neighborhood!

4. wonders why some people spend their life at the complaint department.

3. Was going to the gym but decided to lie down with a package of Pepperidge Farm white chocolate macadamia nut cookies instead. Anyone got a problem with that?

2. Just got back from the gym. Thought I worked my butt off, looked back. Its still there.

1. Today's thought: I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up to begin with.



Mitch’s Twitter Tweets for his Tweeps. (Top 25)

25. I’ve had so many save the date magnets on my fridge the last year that a compass doesn't function properly in the kitchen anymore

24. Just ran 5 miles on the treadmill and my mom is now making shrimp and grits..I cant win.. Im more frustrated than an Amish Electrician

23. In Krystals. Only one here. No one else even in parking lot. "Sir don't forget to take your # to the table. Don't want to mix up ur order"??

22. Don't you hate when you butt dial someone you really never meant to call again? you just pray they don’t call back...

21. I know she’s older than me by like 50 yrs but id marry that woman tomorrow..Paula Deen Goddard..sounds good

20. Elizabeth Hurley getting divorced bc of alleged affair with cricket player..btw...where do I sign up for cricket lessons???

19. its been 3 days since Maria Sharapova got engaged..she still hasn't called me to say sorry or give an explanation..maybe today

18. Taking time off for 2 weeks starting next Monday.. That means this week will be busier than a funeral home fan in July

17. I witnessed a grown man at lunch put his cup under each variety of soda at the fountain today mixing it all..I did that at 5..grow up dude

16. Willie Nelson arrested because he possessed marijuana...In other breaking news the male and female anatomies are different

15. Was writing a sympathy card & my words were genius. Then I realized I was writing the lyrics to "hold my hand" by Hootie & the blowfish.

14. Do people with multiple personalities have multiple twitter accounts??...I think someone like that would be interesting to follow...

13. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

12. If you are overweight please don't wear tight clothes that are too small for you. Sincerely, Mitchell C. Goddard

11. picking up dry cleaning..I love how the little lady always calls me " midder mitchson"

10. It's so cold in Atlanta that the local flasher was caught "describing" himself to women...

9. Laundry is all fun and games until you throw a $150 sweater in the dryer...I may actually have to consider marriage now..

8. Pulling for utah over Boise state. Have no idea why. I care for neither

7. every group of friends eventually has a Yoko Ono...a gf that breaks up the band..changing your buddy and distancing him from the group

6. "Money doesn't buy happiness? It buys a wave runner. Ever seen a sad person on a wave runner" - Daniel Tosh

5. For the record I suck at bowling but if I was good at bowling I'd be a loser. So catch 22

4. does everyone's office have that one weird person thats just out there?? that everyone talks about?? If you said no you may be that person..

3. Is it bad that I jumped up like I'd won bingo when they called my order number at zaxbys?

2. Just heard an awful husband wife fight at the gas stations...the kids were in the car..even I was embarrassed..reason 7,870 I'm a picky dater

1. I'd like to know the series of events leading up to the first guy discovering cows had milk in them